From the westside to the other side

Getting professional help for other issues, after treatment for addiction,  is normal.  There is a term, "co-occuring disorders" in the field of addiction and mental health that says if someone has a substance use disorder they may very well have an issue with depression, or anxiety, or some other mental health issue.    In inpatient treatment the focus is primarily on addressing the substance use disorder.   Addressing other issues, unless the facility specializes in co-occuring disorders, isn't something that is going to happen.  This is why aftercare is vitally important.   It was after inpatient treatment that I started getting help for depression and anxiety.  Once you take the drugs and alcohol away, these other issues will show up in full force.  It can be a primary reason why many will return to use.   Anytime I hear of cuts to programs that include mental health, I cringe.   We have so many in our society that need access to mental health care and we can't just turn a blind eye on them.   

It was the new millennium.  The year 2000 has arrived.  I was a Loss Prevention Manager at Fred Meyer, Stephanie and I, while we had "stuff" going on in our relationship, we were keeping it together.   Tyler was growing, nearing ten years old at this time, and I was being a Dad.   I was sober over four years, and, was a productive member of society.    I had regained the trust of my family and friends, and felt, for the most part, good about my life.   The basics and more were covered.  Recovery was working.  

My relationship issues were still there, but, I was in ongoing counseling to try to better myself, and our relationship.  I have journals throughout this period and can see that I was struggling with depression, anxiety, and worry.   I was seeing a counselor regularly and was trying to get on the positive side of things.  It wasn't easy.   I am not going to sugar coat it, it was very tough at times.  Not tough in the sense that I wanted to return to use, it was tough getting out of bed.  I can see it was tough, sometimes, just being alive.   I had a couple of crisis points during this time....thoughts of suicide and trips to psychiatrists in a state of complete panic and anxiety that overwhelmed every fiber of my being.  

Journaling has been something that has helped me a lot throughout the last twenty plus years.  It was through journaling that I was able to clearly see patterns in my thinking and behavior.  With drugs and alcohol, parenting, and, the most prevalent, in relationships.   For many years I wondered why I kept screwing up relationships.  To the outsider it might have been easy to see, but, for me, on the inside, I didn't see the patterns.   Through journaling, I, for the first time in this period, noticed it clear as day!   I was reviewing my journals one day and finally was able to see the major part I played in all my relationships.  You might remember that I had been with another woman named Stephanie.   This was in the early 90's, and, when I first went to treatment and started journaling.   Well, this was the key to me seeing the pattern.   Here I was several years later, with another woman, a very different woman, but the names were the same.  Stephanie.   I read journals I had written from my relationship with the first Stephanie and compared them with the journals I had written in recent days from the Stephanie I was with then, and.....bam!   They could have been the same person!!!   The issues I was struggling with were exactly the same!    I could no longer point outward.  It was clear that the issues that were happening in relationships were my own.  From that point forward, while it took time and effort, I started the process of truly looking inward in regard to my issues within intimate relationships.   

Ok, so here I was, living life, the year 2000.  The call came from Cyndi.   I will never forget it.  She called to tell me she was moving to Yakima!   Yakima??!!    I was angry.  Very angry.  Yakima was a world away to me.   It was over there!   Way over there.   She had gotten a job offer to move to Yakima and was taking it.  Her, her parents, and....Tyler.    At this time in Tyler's life, being ten years old, he needed his Dad close.   I was devastated.   But.....what could I do?  In the end, not much.   While our parenting plan had certain stipulations about moves like this, unless I had thousands of dollars to hire an attorney, and hope for a judge that would side with me, not much.    She moved.   My son was now a world away.    I did get her to sign a new parenting plan that would make it a bit more flexible so I could continue being involved in my sons life, but, really, it sucked.   My son was not going to be close anymore.    

As life would have it........I adjusted, managed, vowed to not let it bring me down.   Life goes on, and, life had other plans.

Kevin Ruoff, my boss at Fred Meyer during this time called me not to long after this all happened with Cyndi moving to Yakima.   Now, I should also note how amazing a person Kevin was to have in my life during this time.   You remember he was the one who went to the top people at Fred Meyer to get me hired. That effort and willingness, by itself, was a game changer for me.  Now, as I worked at Fred Meyer, he continued to support and help me in my career.   The store I was the Loss Prevention Manager at was right where the district offices were.  I had access to be able to talk to Kevin in person more often than most.   It was very helpful for me.   He was boss that was willing to listen to not just the work stuff, but, life stuff.   Kevin is a good man for sure. 

Anyway, he made his own call to me one day......one very similar to the call Cyndi made that fateful day in 2000.   He called me and said "Tyler is living in Yakima now right?"....knowing he KNEW this, I snidely remarked, "yes Kevin, Tyler lives in Yakima now".......his next words are what would bring me closer to Tyler again.  He said "well, we are opening a store in Ellensburg".  My exact words were "where's Ellensburg?"