Back to the real world
Yesterday our home was full. Our home was full of family and friends to celebrate our friend Sarah's 10yr anniversary being a person in long term recovery. Sarah is someone I have known for over 15yrs. We met each other when we were both in recovery, and then, when we had both taken a hiatus from recovery, knew each other well then too. I have been through it all with Sarah. She is much like a little sister. The really cool thing about yesterday, well there were two super cool things, but, one of them was all of her family being there. Katrina and I had told Sarah that it would just be the three of us having dinner at the house. But....I had other plans. I invited Sarah's entire family without her knowing. And you know what....they ALL showed up in force. Everyone. That was a powerful statement about recovery. The other super cool thing was my son also came up. He, Sarah, and I all did some drinking and drugging together just over ten years ago......now, we are all in recovery! Pretty cool stuff to see in action.
Journal entry dated May 18th, 1996:
"Today I am going home. This has been one heck of a ride. I've been happy, i've been sad, and i've been numb. But most of all i've grown tremendously in the last 80 something days i've been in treatment. I will pray to god for the guidance to stay focused in the real world. I love life today and hope the best for myself. Love, David"
It was time to go. Time to go back into what we in recovery/jail world called "the world". Time to step out of the safe environment of a treatment center and put into practice skills learned. After countless group and individual counseling sessions, many meals with close peers in recovery, several opportunities to learn skills from lectures and seminars, many nights sleeping in a place I knew was safe from the temptations of "the world", I was leaving. I was going back to my sisters again. A safe place in it's own right. I was leaving treatment.
Prior to leaving treatment I did do one thing that was very wise. Remember when I talked about the guy coming out to Olalla and talking about the VOTE program? Terry Weber? Well, I had contacted them and signed up. I had a ton of fear about being on a college campus, but, I figured what did I have to lose? I signed up for the next seven week course. This one decision would have a dramatic effect on my life.
By this time I had re engaged fully with Tyler. I can see this in my journals. At this time he was nearing six years old. I was seeing him regularly and being the dad I had set out to be in the beginning.
I was also still wanting to find love.....no big surprise there. I have always wanted to find the perfect mate and live happier ever after. I had met a woman while at Prosperity house and it was turning serious. Now, I really wasn't in any shape to be in a serious relationship at this point in my life, but human nature being what it is, my mind couldn't reason with my heart, and well, my sex drive. With my past and craziness, I equated sex with love. I had no clue what love really meant.....no clue at all. At this point in my life if a woman would have sex with me, it meant love. That was it, plain and simple. To say I was prepared to be in a committed serious relationship is almost laughable today, but, that is where I was.
Shoot, I almost forgot!!! I got a cat!!! Sylvester the cat. Sylvester would become by sobriety cat for years to come.....:)
So, I am out of treatment, moved back to my sister's, going to school...on a college campus (Pierce College), dating, and learning how to be a person in recovery. During this time I went to AA in the Tacoma area. I had been going to many meetings during my time at Prosperity. In those early days, meetings were very helpful. I had continued friendships with people from Olalla and we would all go to meetings and hang out afterward. Bill, Maria, Colleen, Franklin, and many others. We had a common bond of treatment and recovery. It was very helpful.
My favorite meeting was at a church on 6th avenue in Tacoma, called the fellowship hall. Tacoma has big meetings. This one could easily have up to 100 people at noon weekday meeting. All of what you might know about the meetings was there. We all sat and talked about our lives before and after. Read from the bible of AA, the big book, and discussed what we were reading. Praying before and after the meetings, exchanging phone numbers for help if needed, and going to coffee afterward. It was my place of respite for the first couple years of my recovery. I didn't have a life at the beginning of my journey so going to meetings was where I needed to be at that time. Oh, and I can't forget this....I was required to go. I had to get a paper signed...we called it our "slip". ......had to get my slipped signed twice a week.....this was a requirement of treatment.
Over the next few months I would graduate from the VOTE program, enroll at Pierce College full time, get work at the Tacoma Mall thanks to my brother....and stay in recovery.
I need to take a paragraph, or two, or twenty, to talk about the VOTE program. This was a program designed wholly for people in early recovery. Those who were fresh out of treatment and needing to learn, or relearn, basic life skills. The program was always held on college campuses....on purpose. The program taught me so many things in those early days of my recovery, yet, the most important of all, positive self-esteem. We went to class Monday-Friday, 9-4pm. The very first thing of the morning was spent on skills to improve our self-esteem. If you have been reading this blog you know by know all the crap I had been through....self-esteem? What was that??? Every morning we would watch a guy whose name was Bob Moawad. This man was amazing!!!! He passed in 2007, but, in his lifetime he had a positive effect on millions. At the bottom of this blog is a link to his sons website with a video of Bob at the bottom.
I can't tell you how much I needed this every morning during this time in my life. A person whose whole mission was to help people to see their inner potential. My very first positive affirmation was created at the VOTE program. I still have it to this day. Bob told us to believe in ourselves. He told us we each had in us the power to do great things. It was exactly what I needed to hear in those early days of my journey in recovery. Why? Well, the reality was, I didn't believe in myself. I felt that I had done to much damage.....I believed I couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't in so many areas of my life.
With the tools I learned at the VOTE program I truly began to believe in myself. I truly began to see myself as human. Someone who yes, had done wrong, but, it didn't mean I was destined for all bad for the rest of my life. It was at the VOTE program that I learned to take the skills I did have and turn them into successes. I am grateful to this day for all I was given while at a program that lasted a mere seven weeks, yet, impacted my entire life. Bob Moawad's legacy lives on!!!
Tomorrow we will continue my journey in recovery. College becomes a reality during this time....and, I end up working in a field I NEVER believed I would work in again due to the errors of my past.
Journal entry dated May 18th, 1996:
"Today I am going home. This has been one heck of a ride. I've been happy, i've been sad, and i've been numb. But most of all i've grown tremendously in the last 80 something days i've been in treatment. I will pray to god for the guidance to stay focused in the real world. I love life today and hope the best for myself. Love, David"
It was time to go. Time to go back into what we in recovery/jail world called "the world". Time to step out of the safe environment of a treatment center and put into practice skills learned. After countless group and individual counseling sessions, many meals with close peers in recovery, several opportunities to learn skills from lectures and seminars, many nights sleeping in a place I knew was safe from the temptations of "the world", I was leaving. I was going back to my sisters again. A safe place in it's own right. I was leaving treatment.
Prior to leaving treatment I did do one thing that was very wise. Remember when I talked about the guy coming out to Olalla and talking about the VOTE program? Terry Weber? Well, I had contacted them and signed up. I had a ton of fear about being on a college campus, but, I figured what did I have to lose? I signed up for the next seven week course. This one decision would have a dramatic effect on my life.
By this time I had re engaged fully with Tyler. I can see this in my journals. At this time he was nearing six years old. I was seeing him regularly and being the dad I had set out to be in the beginning.
I was also still wanting to find love.....no big surprise there. I have always wanted to find the perfect mate and live happier ever after. I had met a woman while at Prosperity house and it was turning serious. Now, I really wasn't in any shape to be in a serious relationship at this point in my life, but human nature being what it is, my mind couldn't reason with my heart, and well, my sex drive. With my past and craziness, I equated sex with love. I had no clue what love really meant.....no clue at all. At this point in my life if a woman would have sex with me, it meant love. That was it, plain and simple. To say I was prepared to be in a committed serious relationship is almost laughable today, but, that is where I was.
Shoot, I almost forgot!!! I got a cat!!! Sylvester the cat. Sylvester would become by sobriety cat for years to come.....:)
So, I am out of treatment, moved back to my sister's, going to school...on a college campus (Pierce College), dating, and learning how to be a person in recovery. During this time I went to AA in the Tacoma area. I had been going to many meetings during my time at Prosperity. In those early days, meetings were very helpful. I had continued friendships with people from Olalla and we would all go to meetings and hang out afterward. Bill, Maria, Colleen, Franklin, and many others. We had a common bond of treatment and recovery. It was very helpful.
My favorite meeting was at a church on 6th avenue in Tacoma, called the fellowship hall. Tacoma has big meetings. This one could easily have up to 100 people at noon weekday meeting. All of what you might know about the meetings was there. We all sat and talked about our lives before and after. Read from the bible of AA, the big book, and discussed what we were reading. Praying before and after the meetings, exchanging phone numbers for help if needed, and going to coffee afterward. It was my place of respite for the first couple years of my recovery. I didn't have a life at the beginning of my journey so going to meetings was where I needed to be at that time. Oh, and I can't forget this....I was required to go. I had to get a paper signed...we called it our "slip". ......had to get my slipped signed twice a week.....this was a requirement of treatment.
Over the next few months I would graduate from the VOTE program, enroll at Pierce College full time, get work at the Tacoma Mall thanks to my brother....and stay in recovery.
I need to take a paragraph, or two, or twenty, to talk about the VOTE program. This was a program designed wholly for people in early recovery. Those who were fresh out of treatment and needing to learn, or relearn, basic life skills. The program was always held on college campuses....on purpose. The program taught me so many things in those early days of my recovery, yet, the most important of all, positive self-esteem. We went to class Monday-Friday, 9-4pm. The very first thing of the morning was spent on skills to improve our self-esteem. If you have been reading this blog you know by know all the crap I had been through....self-esteem? What was that??? Every morning we would watch a guy whose name was Bob Moawad. This man was amazing!!!! He passed in 2007, but, in his lifetime he had a positive effect on millions. At the bottom of this blog is a link to his sons website with a video of Bob at the bottom.
I can't tell you how much I needed this every morning during this time in my life. A person whose whole mission was to help people to see their inner potential. My very first positive affirmation was created at the VOTE program. I still have it to this day. Bob told us to believe in ourselves. He told us we each had in us the power to do great things. It was exactly what I needed to hear in those early days of my journey in recovery. Why? Well, the reality was, I didn't believe in myself. I felt that I had done to much damage.....I believed I couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't in so many areas of my life.
With the tools I learned at the VOTE program I truly began to believe in myself. I truly began to see myself as human. Someone who yes, had done wrong, but, it didn't mean I was destined for all bad for the rest of my life. It was at the VOTE program that I learned to take the skills I did have and turn them into successes. I am grateful to this day for all I was given while at a program that lasted a mere seven weeks, yet, impacted my entire life. Bob Moawad's legacy lives on!!!
Tomorrow we will continue my journey in recovery. College becomes a reality during this time....and, I end up working in a field I NEVER believed I would work in again due to the errors of my past.
At the bottom of the page at this webpage is a great video about the late Bob Moawad: http://moawadconsultinggroup.com/the-people/
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