Hope is alive and well.....
I tell people I was part of "the system". At this point in my story I was involved with the department of corrections, the department of social and health services, the office of support enforcement, pierce county district and superior courts, king county courts, city of tacoma district court, federal way district court, and kent district court. I am sure there were more entities, but these are the ones that came to mind in this moment. I have a saying to people who are caught up in "the system"....."do whatever you have to do to get out of the system and.....stay out". Now, years later after being out of "the system" I am back in it. My wife and I are becoming Foster Parents. I am becoming part of the system again to better the lives of children. Giving back is part of my life mission and if I have to become part of "the system" I worked hard to get out of, so be it. Recovery works, lives change.
We are in December of 1995. I am sitting in Pierce County Jail. Facing burglary charges. Again, I believe this is it. I am done. I know what I have done, and, now, they do too. Because I had been making attempts over the last several months to get clean I have some clarity of mind. I, at least, had some relief. Ever since the detectives came to my stepdads in the fall I was constantly wondering and worrying. Those feelings were gone. They weren't replaced with good feelings per say, yet, I could at least face what they had been looking for me for before. I could face the music.
My bail was set at 50,000 dollars. I would be sitting in jail until this was all over, and it wasn't likely going to be over anytime soon. The Pierce County legal system was overwhelmed, and me, being pretty much indigent, would be defended by a public defender. I was not a priority case by any means. I resolved to do what was in front of me. It wasn't like I had another choice, I was in jail and not going anywhere.
After just days of sitting in a cell, my name gets called. "Douglas you're out"........what?!!!!! Me? I was in complete shock. Next thing you know I am being processed out and I am standing on the outside breathing fresh air. Cheri and Vern, my sister and brother in law, bailed me out......I was in so much shock......I just couldn't believe it. They used their home to get me bailed out. To this very day, as I am writing this, I can't believe they did this for me. I was not anything you would want to have trusted during this time. Sure, I was making some changes, trying to clean up my life, but, come one, I wasn't far from my recent past and all that went with it. Yet, my sister saw fit to talk Vern into bailing me out of jail. Wholly shit! I just couldn't believe it. I was out on bail!!!!!!
This moment in time, was THE KEY to me propelling myself into action like never before to ensure I was going to change my life for the better. Anything I was doing before I was picked up on bail, was enhanced. I made sure to do what I was told by whoever told me to do it. I was not going to let my sister down. The case against me would go through its process for nearly six months until completion. In this time I took multiple steps and actions to turn my shitty life into something resembling a functional entity.
I stayed at my sisters from the time they bailed me out until after after I leave treatment months later. She provided me a safe environment again. She had done this years prior, and, her she was again, helping me. My sister had six young children at the time. Her house was a place that always had a lot going on. To this day we joke about me being sent to "my room" when I was there......My room was the entry way closet. I slept in the livingroom on her couch. Everything I owned in the world fit in that small entryway closet....everything.
I have journals from this time......they aren't always the best. I was suffering from the depression that I carried my whole life and only masked with drugs and alcohol. Massive anxiety was something that was with the depression on a regular basis. The not knowing what my future would hold. Part due to what I had done to break the law, and part due to my emotional state from the drug use and my long time depression that was never treated in a healthy way.
Yet, I drove on the best I could and I think being at my sisters was the best thing for me at the time. I had six nieces and nephews who ranged in age from 5-13ish. I had my sister and Vern who were supportive of me turning things around. There were lots of pets in the home and I always had a roof over my head and a meal to eat. I get emotional thinking about how my sister supported me during this time.
Several years prior to me going off the deep end, right after my military years, I worked with Vern in loss prevention. He was part owner of a company that contracted with grocery stores to catch shoplifters. I loved the work and I was really good at it. I knew what to look for and had a sense to be able to see someone walk in and know if they were going to steal or not. Now, years later, Vern had moved on from that company and was working for Fred Meyer as a Loss Prevention Manager. We would talk a lot about the work there and I was very intrigued. It sounded like a great company to work for. But, now I was a convicted felon, and, soon to be two time convicted felon, so, this field was not going to be an option for me anymore. It was still cool to talk about it.
My brother was in the picture a lot during this time period. He was living in Seattle with his wife at the time. This was 1995 and he was the definition of the "Seattle Yuppie". They lived in a condo in West Seattle, had nice things, and drove a nice car. Bob has always had the ability to have a good life and good things. This was for sure one of those times for him. Bob was always my hero in this regard. It was also during this time that he was heavily involved in Amway. Bob is the ultimate salesman. This was the perfect fit for his personality. He was recruiting our family and I would see him when he would come to pick up Vern and Cheri to go to Amway Seminars. Because I had nothing going on at the time and a lot of free time I went to a couple of these with them. They helped me keep a positive mindset during this time. I didn't like Amway per say, but, the motivational speeches were very helpful. This was the my first experience with learning how to think positive and use motivational thinking in life.
I have journaled a court date on February 1, 1996. This court date would determine if I was going to be allowed to go to treatment later that month. The judge could easily had said no, that I needed to take care of this case first, but, he didn't. I was allowed to postpone my case and allowed to go to treatment. I re-entered treatment at Olalla Guest Lodge on February 28, 1996. The same place I was at a few years prior. It was familiar, and a place I viewed as a good place to re engage with setting my life on a positive course. I had one week clean from everything when I went in. My sobriety date going in was February 21, 1996. This would be a date that would mark the point where I would begin to make massive change in my life. This life of mine, that at this point had been nothing short of a train wreck, would start to get back on the tracks and go on a journey no one could ever imagine possible. Prior to this date I was only destined to be another statistic. No more.....I would buck the odds in a big way.
We are in December of 1995. I am sitting in Pierce County Jail. Facing burglary charges. Again, I believe this is it. I am done. I know what I have done, and, now, they do too. Because I had been making attempts over the last several months to get clean I have some clarity of mind. I, at least, had some relief. Ever since the detectives came to my stepdads in the fall I was constantly wondering and worrying. Those feelings were gone. They weren't replaced with good feelings per say, yet, I could at least face what they had been looking for me for before. I could face the music.
My bail was set at 50,000 dollars. I would be sitting in jail until this was all over, and it wasn't likely going to be over anytime soon. The Pierce County legal system was overwhelmed, and me, being pretty much indigent, would be defended by a public defender. I was not a priority case by any means. I resolved to do what was in front of me. It wasn't like I had another choice, I was in jail and not going anywhere.
After just days of sitting in a cell, my name gets called. "Douglas you're out"........what?!!!!! Me? I was in complete shock. Next thing you know I am being processed out and I am standing on the outside breathing fresh air. Cheri and Vern, my sister and brother in law, bailed me out......I was in so much shock......I just couldn't believe it. They used their home to get me bailed out. To this very day, as I am writing this, I can't believe they did this for me. I was not anything you would want to have trusted during this time. Sure, I was making some changes, trying to clean up my life, but, come one, I wasn't far from my recent past and all that went with it. Yet, my sister saw fit to talk Vern into bailing me out of jail. Wholly shit! I just couldn't believe it. I was out on bail!!!!!!
This moment in time, was THE KEY to me propelling myself into action like never before to ensure I was going to change my life for the better. Anything I was doing before I was picked up on bail, was enhanced. I made sure to do what I was told by whoever told me to do it. I was not going to let my sister down. The case against me would go through its process for nearly six months until completion. In this time I took multiple steps and actions to turn my shitty life into something resembling a functional entity.
I stayed at my sisters from the time they bailed me out until after after I leave treatment months later. She provided me a safe environment again. She had done this years prior, and, her she was again, helping me. My sister had six young children at the time. Her house was a place that always had a lot going on. To this day we joke about me being sent to "my room" when I was there......My room was the entry way closet. I slept in the livingroom on her couch. Everything I owned in the world fit in that small entryway closet....everything.
I have journals from this time......they aren't always the best. I was suffering from the depression that I carried my whole life and only masked with drugs and alcohol. Massive anxiety was something that was with the depression on a regular basis. The not knowing what my future would hold. Part due to what I had done to break the law, and part due to my emotional state from the drug use and my long time depression that was never treated in a healthy way.
Yet, I drove on the best I could and I think being at my sisters was the best thing for me at the time. I had six nieces and nephews who ranged in age from 5-13ish. I had my sister and Vern who were supportive of me turning things around. There were lots of pets in the home and I always had a roof over my head and a meal to eat. I get emotional thinking about how my sister supported me during this time.
Several years prior to me going off the deep end, right after my military years, I worked with Vern in loss prevention. He was part owner of a company that contracted with grocery stores to catch shoplifters. I loved the work and I was really good at it. I knew what to look for and had a sense to be able to see someone walk in and know if they were going to steal or not. Now, years later, Vern had moved on from that company and was working for Fred Meyer as a Loss Prevention Manager. We would talk a lot about the work there and I was very intrigued. It sounded like a great company to work for. But, now I was a convicted felon, and, soon to be two time convicted felon, so, this field was not going to be an option for me anymore. It was still cool to talk about it.
My brother was in the picture a lot during this time period. He was living in Seattle with his wife at the time. This was 1995 and he was the definition of the "Seattle Yuppie". They lived in a condo in West Seattle, had nice things, and drove a nice car. Bob has always had the ability to have a good life and good things. This was for sure one of those times for him. Bob was always my hero in this regard. It was also during this time that he was heavily involved in Amway. Bob is the ultimate salesman. This was the perfect fit for his personality. He was recruiting our family and I would see him when he would come to pick up Vern and Cheri to go to Amway Seminars. Because I had nothing going on at the time and a lot of free time I went to a couple of these with them. They helped me keep a positive mindset during this time. I didn't like Amway per say, but, the motivational speeches were very helpful. This was the my first experience with learning how to think positive and use motivational thinking in life.
I have journaled a court date on February 1, 1996. This court date would determine if I was going to be allowed to go to treatment later that month. The judge could easily had said no, that I needed to take care of this case first, but, he didn't. I was allowed to postpone my case and allowed to go to treatment. I re-entered treatment at Olalla Guest Lodge on February 28, 1996. The same place I was at a few years prior. It was familiar, and a place I viewed as a good place to re engage with setting my life on a positive course. I had one week clean from everything when I went in. My sobriety date going in was February 21, 1996. This would be a date that would mark the point where I would begin to make massive change in my life. This life of mine, that at this point had been nothing short of a train wreck, would start to get back on the tracks and go on a journey no one could ever imagine possible. Prior to this date I was only destined to be another statistic. No more.....I would buck the odds in a big way.
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