A job, college, a marriage, and more.....
I didn't expect to hear the response I have heard from writing all month. I have heard from many of you that this has impacted you in differing ways. Those that are a part of my history have said they learned things they didn't know. I have heard that it has helped some learn about addiction in a way they hadn't known prior to this writing. I have heard that this writing has helped some seek out help for their own issues. I made a decision in about 2010-11, to no longer remain silent about my life as a person in long term recovery. I also made a decision, during that same time, that the words I used to describe myself would be different. For myself, I would no longer use the words addict or alcoholic to describe myself. Words do matter. These decisions came when I learned about a movement called Facing Addiction that was asking those of us in recovery to come out of the shadows. There are over 23.5 million people in recovery today. The whole premise of the movement is to give a voice to addiction and recovery. We see all to often services cut for prevention, treatment, and recovery. At the same time we see more jails and prisons built. We are the one population, that if we spoke loud enough, could stop this.
I had left Prosperity house in May of 1996. After successfully completing treatment at Olalla, and then Prosperity House, I was sent out to "the world" again. I had spent over 80 days inside a treatment facility. It was exactly what I needed to get a good footing on starting my life in recovery. I had signed up for the VOTE program while at Prosperity house and had begun that journey.
I know I have already wrote about VOTE but I have to say more. Why? Because we need more VOTE programs. VOTE was my catalyst for becoming a productive citizen again. There were two requirements to graduate from the program after seven weeks. Either, you gained full time employment, or, you enrolled in college full time.
I want to take a minute to describe why either of these, for a person in early recovery, can seem to be insurmountable tasks.
One, self esteem. Major issue for most in early recovery. Just looking at the physiological damage done at the hands of active addiction can be enough for most. It certainly was the case for me. Having ingested the drugs I did, meth and crack, for extended periods of time, rewired my brain. Right, wrong, or indifferent, it just did. I was in recovery, and that was amazing, yet, I struggled with all that I struggled with prior to the heavy drug use, depression, anxiety and worry. Now, it was even worse at times. This was one area the VOTE program helped with. Everyday we did self esteem work in class.
Another major player in our desire to get a job, or, go to school, and was a hindrance, was that many of now had criminal records. At this time, in 1996, I was a newly minted two time felon. Jobs were hard to come by! Many employers wouldn't even talk to me the second they noticed I checked the box". You know the box, the one most are able to pass on by, the one that asks the question....have you ever been convicted of a felony? That one. Once you were honest and checked the box....you were done. No face to face to explain your scenario, no time to say you were in recovery and were changing your life, nothing. This made finding a job, any job, a task.
The VOTE program helped in these two areas and more. We were taught skills on how to believe in ourselves again. We were taught how to write positive affirmations. We were taught how to write resumes, I have my very first resume from that time period in my archives. We were taught how to approach employers before checking the box to explain our scenario. We were taught networking skills to learn about employers that were willing to hire people in recovery. I can't tell you how much this helped in the job search arena.
The last area about the VOTE program that was immensely helpful, and then I will move on, was the fact that the program was held on a college campus. Pierce College in Lakewood. Everyday I rode the bus there. Everyday I got off the bus at a place of higher learning. We were surrounded by the energy of a learning environment. We were college students, given real ID cards and allowed access to the campus like all other students. It was scary in many ways, but, mostly, it became motivating. Very motivating. Knowing everyday, instead of going to some shithole drug house, we were going to college, was pretty good feeling! That one fact, was amazing. Simply amazing. I felt a part of something good and whole.
Remember when I said "recovery is not for the faint of heart", it is true. While recovery IS amazing, it is far from easy. Without tools like the VOTE program I don't know where I would be today.
Now, you might be wondering, what did I do? Did I graduate by gaining full time employment or full time school?
I did a little of both. I, like many others who start their journey in recovery, was impacted by the counselors who had been helping me at Olalla and Prosperity. I wanted to become a counselor. Pierce had a program to help me gain the education needed to become a drug/alcohol counselor. So, I enrolled in school full time. Me, a full time college student....wow!
I also needed to start on the financial end. My brother was working at a subsidiary of the Foot Locker, called the Locker Room, and was willing to hire me on part time selling shoes at the Tacoma Mall. It was steady work and helped me to start whittling away on the financial mess I had created. This job were turn from part time to full time almost immediately and help me become a tax paying citizen again, and, start chipping away at my past and current financial responsibilities.
In a short period of time I was a full time college student, a full time employee, and was in a committed relationship with who would become my second wife. I fully engaged with life at this point in my recovery. I was still in treatment, going to aftercare once a week, and the required two meetings a week. I was seeing my probation officer, probably twice a month by this time. Marco knew I was doing better, thus, didn't need to see me the twice a week of times past. I was calling in every day to see if I needed to run downtown to take a piss test to prove I was doing the right thing. Just typing this, I don't know how I did it all.......I was busy. I was busy repairing my past and living my current.
I was being a father to Tyler again. Seeing him every other weekend and more. I remember well going to his elementary school in Steilacoom, Cherrydale Elementary, frequently. I have pictures of a field trip we went to down to the water during this time. I was a dad again. I was able to see my son without any fear. I was a person in recovery and Tyler was the main beneficiary of this.
Journal entry dated 08/21/1996:
"Congratulations to me! 6 months clean and sober. I've accomplished what I could not see. I must say that while life at times is most unbearable, I am 100 times better off than I was a year ago. I have direction and purpose today, I have some peace of mind today and I really love being me a lot more than I used to. I have a strength to stand up for myself and be known. I have a need for good people to be in my life and I care deeply about the people who I am close to. I have a relationship with God today that I cherish and I know when all else is going wrong God is there for me. I have a life worth living and a sense of purpose towards a life without drug and/or alcohol. Today is a wonderful day. Love, David"
Tomorrow will continue these first couple of years in recovery that will continue to show the amazing things that can happen to someone in recovery who has people that are willing to look past the past and toward the future. Recovery works, lives change.
I had left Prosperity house in May of 1996. After successfully completing treatment at Olalla, and then Prosperity House, I was sent out to "the world" again. I had spent over 80 days inside a treatment facility. It was exactly what I needed to get a good footing on starting my life in recovery. I had signed up for the VOTE program while at Prosperity house and had begun that journey.
I know I have already wrote about VOTE but I have to say more. Why? Because we need more VOTE programs. VOTE was my catalyst for becoming a productive citizen again. There were two requirements to graduate from the program after seven weeks. Either, you gained full time employment, or, you enrolled in college full time.
I want to take a minute to describe why either of these, for a person in early recovery, can seem to be insurmountable tasks.
One, self esteem. Major issue for most in early recovery. Just looking at the physiological damage done at the hands of active addiction can be enough for most. It certainly was the case for me. Having ingested the drugs I did, meth and crack, for extended periods of time, rewired my brain. Right, wrong, or indifferent, it just did. I was in recovery, and that was amazing, yet, I struggled with all that I struggled with prior to the heavy drug use, depression, anxiety and worry. Now, it was even worse at times. This was one area the VOTE program helped with. Everyday we did self esteem work in class.
Another major player in our desire to get a job, or, go to school, and was a hindrance, was that many of now had criminal records. At this time, in 1996, I was a newly minted two time felon. Jobs were hard to come by! Many employers wouldn't even talk to me the second they noticed I checked the box". You know the box, the one most are able to pass on by, the one that asks the question....have you ever been convicted of a felony? That one. Once you were honest and checked the box....you were done. No face to face to explain your scenario, no time to say you were in recovery and were changing your life, nothing. This made finding a job, any job, a task.
The VOTE program helped in these two areas and more. We were taught skills on how to believe in ourselves again. We were taught how to write positive affirmations. We were taught how to write resumes, I have my very first resume from that time period in my archives. We were taught how to approach employers before checking the box to explain our scenario. We were taught networking skills to learn about employers that were willing to hire people in recovery. I can't tell you how much this helped in the job search arena.
The last area about the VOTE program that was immensely helpful, and then I will move on, was the fact that the program was held on a college campus. Pierce College in Lakewood. Everyday I rode the bus there. Everyday I got off the bus at a place of higher learning. We were surrounded by the energy of a learning environment. We were college students, given real ID cards and allowed access to the campus like all other students. It was scary in many ways, but, mostly, it became motivating. Very motivating. Knowing everyday, instead of going to some shithole drug house, we were going to college, was pretty good feeling! That one fact, was amazing. Simply amazing. I felt a part of something good and whole.
Remember when I said "recovery is not for the faint of heart", it is true. While recovery IS amazing, it is far from easy. Without tools like the VOTE program I don't know where I would be today.
Now, you might be wondering, what did I do? Did I graduate by gaining full time employment or full time school?
I did a little of both. I, like many others who start their journey in recovery, was impacted by the counselors who had been helping me at Olalla and Prosperity. I wanted to become a counselor. Pierce had a program to help me gain the education needed to become a drug/alcohol counselor. So, I enrolled in school full time. Me, a full time college student....wow!
I also needed to start on the financial end. My brother was working at a subsidiary of the Foot Locker, called the Locker Room, and was willing to hire me on part time selling shoes at the Tacoma Mall. It was steady work and helped me to start whittling away on the financial mess I had created. This job were turn from part time to full time almost immediately and help me become a tax paying citizen again, and, start chipping away at my past and current financial responsibilities.
In a short period of time I was a full time college student, a full time employee, and was in a committed relationship with who would become my second wife. I fully engaged with life at this point in my recovery. I was still in treatment, going to aftercare once a week, and the required two meetings a week. I was seeing my probation officer, probably twice a month by this time. Marco knew I was doing better, thus, didn't need to see me the twice a week of times past. I was calling in every day to see if I needed to run downtown to take a piss test to prove I was doing the right thing. Just typing this, I don't know how I did it all.......I was busy. I was busy repairing my past and living my current.
I was being a father to Tyler again. Seeing him every other weekend and more. I remember well going to his elementary school in Steilacoom, Cherrydale Elementary, frequently. I have pictures of a field trip we went to down to the water during this time. I was a dad again. I was able to see my son without any fear. I was a person in recovery and Tyler was the main beneficiary of this.
Journal entry dated 08/21/1996:
"Congratulations to me! 6 months clean and sober. I've accomplished what I could not see. I must say that while life at times is most unbearable, I am 100 times better off than I was a year ago. I have direction and purpose today, I have some peace of mind today and I really love being me a lot more than I used to. I have a strength to stand up for myself and be known. I have a need for good people to be in my life and I care deeply about the people who I am close to. I have a relationship with God today that I cherish and I know when all else is going wrong God is there for me. I have a life worth living and a sense of purpose towards a life without drug and/or alcohol. Today is a wonderful day. Love, David"
Tomorrow will continue these first couple of years in recovery that will continue to show the amazing things that can happen to someone in recovery who has people that are willing to look past the past and toward the future. Recovery works, lives change.
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