My twenties

During the time after the active duty in the military from 1987-90, when I was in my early twenties, I experienced significant changes in my life.   I married Cyndi at 19 while still in the military, both of us very young, and without much in terms of relationship skills.   She was someone I have known since I was 12yrs old and is the mother of my only son.   Tyler was born in 1990.  

My drinking was at a level that it didn't do much to help keep this marriage healthy.  Her and I did our best to try to keep this marriage in tact, but, in the end, it didn't work.  There was just to much dysfunction happening.   We smoked a lot of pot and I did a lot of drinking.  I distinctly remember her always asking me to JUST NOT DRINK JACK DANIELS.   She would ask me to just smoke pot, and if I had to drink, just drink beer.  This was tough for me for two reasons.  One, I was an alcoholic, once I took a drink, I was out of control.  Two, I loved Jack Daniels.  I had Jack Daniels posters, shot glasses, shirts....all of it.  It was my favorite drink.  But......it was when I drank Jack Daniels that my behavior worsened.  Unpredictable and without warning I could go from happy go lucky to complete asshole.  It wasn't pretty at all.  Some of my worst regrets when I think of my marriage and my behavior was after drinking Jack Daniels.

My wife's father was an alcoholic and was one of the first adults I drank with when I was 13-14 yrs old.   Bob and I became close over the years, and for us, drinking was an integral part of our relationship.   After the military he and I would spend time at local bars in the Parkland/Spanaway area, or, just drinking at his home in the shop.  At the bars where he was a regular and I found myself thinking at times I would become him in this regard.   I spent my 21st birthday sitting on a barstool in a bar in Parkland, WA.  

Bob was a huge influence on my life.  Not all negative by any means.   While he was an alcoholic with all that goes with that, he was like a father to me.  He actually cared about my well being.  To this day I view him as a support to me in becoming who I am today.   He was a very caring person.   Like the saying goes....when an alcoholic is sober, they are usually great people.  This was true of Bob.  He taught me a lot about life.   And, he was one who was telling me I shouldn't drink......kind of ironic, but, it was true.  I was very young and drinking at levels of a late stage alcoholic.  He was my support in many ways during this time.

I was being faced with being an alcoholic in many ways, yet, I wasn't in a place to change it yet.   My marriage was crumbling, having a good job wasn't on my horizon to this point, and I was internally dissatisfied with where my life was headed.  Even though I could clearly see the damage that was happening around me due to my drinking and drug use, it wasn't my time to change.  It was about 1989 when I would make decisions that would shift my life course.