First taste of a being a person in recovery
Inpatient treatment for substance use disorders is usually a 30 day deal. You go and stay somewhere that is completely out of your environment and with people who have a like minded interest. This is something that for many, is a completely foreign environment. For the first time in my life I was in a place that I felt safe enough to open up about my life to that point. You get to the point a couple weeks in where you don't want to leave. Whereas when riding out there, you are fearful about going, when you get close to your time to go, you are even more fearful about leaving.
Its August of 1993, I leave treatment. My very first taste of feeling some sense of freedom from all that I had been holding inside since being a young boy. I should note that this blog really scratches the surface for many areas of my life. I do have the goal of doing a complete writing that will tell all....but, that's for a different day. Even with the amazing treatment I received at Olalla, I needed more. I didn't have a full realization of this at the time. I just remember wanting to get my life back together. I didn't want that label of being a "crack addict" attached to me. I was still ok with drinking and smoking pot, it was the crack that I was most concerned with at the time. I didn't set out to continue drinking and smoking pot when I left Olalla, but, honestly, I went to Olalla because of crack cocaine. Olalla was the very first place where I received a formal diagnosis of being an alcoholic. I wasn't to accepting of that at the time.
If you remember, I had lost my job and my place to live. I was beyond busted broke. My relationships with family and friends were strained. Sure, going to treatment helped the relationship issues, but, I still had work to do to regain trust in those areas. At 26 years old I moved in with my mom. She was living with a guy named Ed in Puyallup. A little two bedroom apartment and I was allowed to stay in one of the rooms. I appreciated this space to get a footing on how to move forward. I did still have my vehicle, so I was able to get around. Stephanie and I were trying desperately to keep our relationship together. The treatment helped us in recognizing that we had work to do to move forward.
I regained contact with my son and if I remember correctly, Cyndi brought him out to Olalla......I am not certain. I do remember that the guy she was with had already been out to Olalla for his own treatment for his use of crack cocaine, so the place was familiar. I just don't remember for sure if Tyler came out while I was there......I could see me not wanting him out there......I am just not sure. At any rate, I am sure I regained contact with him after leaving Olalla. Remember that being a Dad is something that has always been very important to me. The episode with crack caused the first chink in me being true to that relationship.
I was able to get a job at pizza joint in Puyallup called Brewery City Pizza. Stephanie had worked there for a while and got me an interview at the new place they were opening in Puyallup. The manager was a pretty cool dude. His name will come to me, but, at the moment it is alluding me. Me and him hit it off from the start. Wow, yes, it is coming back to me now..........This was a decent time for me right after treatment. I was wanting to stay sober, off of everything. But, there were some environmental factors and issues with my own desire to continue to maintain my own walk in recovery that interfered.
Brewery City Pizza served beer and, while I was there, they started serving wine. I was able to stay away from it all for a while, but, it was always on my mind. My boss drank everyday after work. He was much like I was before treatment......work hard during the day, drink afterward, then do it all again the next day. There was that environment I was dealing with.
At home, in my mom's house, it was another tough scenario. I will never forget my first day out of treatment. Mom was at work, Ed is home when I get there. I put my stuff in my room and go out to say hello to Ed. He is sitting there loading a pipe with pot and goes to hand it to me!!!! OMG!!!!! I turned it down and said no thanks. Ed was a decent enough guy but he was a late stage alcoholic and pot smoker much like I was. He, like me, saw the crack as being this horrible thing, but not pot right? Anyway, there is what I was living with. Mom was doing some drinking during this time too. Much like me before, she worked hard and had some fun on her time off. I remember this being the very first time I was able to "see" the family dynamics in play. I am happy to say that my Mom quit drinking many years ago now. Unfortunately, Ed died in one of the worst ways I know a human to have to die........an alcoholic death. Mom and him had split and he moved to the Portland area. He was found in a motel room in the fetal position dead. Sad story. He was a good guy.
So, I have a job, good. I have a place to live, good. I am being a Dad, good. I am trying to keep my and Stephanie's relationship together, good. I also remember going to my first twelve step meetings out of treatment, so, that was good. Stephanie and I were also seeing a counselor to try to fix our relationship, so, that was good too.
My financial situation was very bleak. I was making minimum wage and half my take home every two weeks was going to child support. My mom must have been allowing me to live there rent free. I can't imagine how I would have been able to pay rent. This was one of my biggest stressors at the time. Working a full time job and being less than broke after each payday. I do remember making some progress, but, it was very little. Remember, my career options weren't the best during this time. Very few skills outside of the restaurant and security industries. A GED level education and skills from my military experience weren't anything I was able to transfer into anything of real value. Oh yeah, I just remembered this one.....my child support was set from making good money while at Loomis Armored.....now, I was making minimum wage. I tried to get it changed!!!! It was sooooo frustrating. At any rate, finances were tough. This is one of the areas I remember being most stressful during this time. Yet, I was forging ahead the best I could.
As far as my future, I am not sure what I had in my mind. I do remember enjoying my work at Brewery City. I pretty quickly moved into a Shift Manager position and, even though there was the drinking situation going on around me, I did what I had to do to make the best of it. I think I was thinking I could move up at Brewery City. I also remember Stephanie encouraging me to take a class at Pierce College. This was my very first taste of college. She was going to school during that time and thought it might be a good idea for me. I took a business class to see if it was something I would like.
Now, what next right? Well, I remember starting to drink again. I don't remember the exact day, but I do remember drinking with my boss at Brewery City and drinking at my Mom's work with Ed. I remember that well. This was probably four or five months out of treatment. For a short time I was able to maintain some control of my life. I think I was just trying to get back to where I was before crack. Unfortunately, that didn't play out so well......more tomorrow.
Its August of 1993, I leave treatment. My very first taste of feeling some sense of freedom from all that I had been holding inside since being a young boy. I should note that this blog really scratches the surface for many areas of my life. I do have the goal of doing a complete writing that will tell all....but, that's for a different day. Even with the amazing treatment I received at Olalla, I needed more. I didn't have a full realization of this at the time. I just remember wanting to get my life back together. I didn't want that label of being a "crack addict" attached to me. I was still ok with drinking and smoking pot, it was the crack that I was most concerned with at the time. I didn't set out to continue drinking and smoking pot when I left Olalla, but, honestly, I went to Olalla because of crack cocaine. Olalla was the very first place where I received a formal diagnosis of being an alcoholic. I wasn't to accepting of that at the time.
If you remember, I had lost my job and my place to live. I was beyond busted broke. My relationships with family and friends were strained. Sure, going to treatment helped the relationship issues, but, I still had work to do to regain trust in those areas. At 26 years old I moved in with my mom. She was living with a guy named Ed in Puyallup. A little two bedroom apartment and I was allowed to stay in one of the rooms. I appreciated this space to get a footing on how to move forward. I did still have my vehicle, so I was able to get around. Stephanie and I were trying desperately to keep our relationship together. The treatment helped us in recognizing that we had work to do to move forward.
I regained contact with my son and if I remember correctly, Cyndi brought him out to Olalla......I am not certain. I do remember that the guy she was with had already been out to Olalla for his own treatment for his use of crack cocaine, so the place was familiar. I just don't remember for sure if Tyler came out while I was there......I could see me not wanting him out there......I am just not sure. At any rate, I am sure I regained contact with him after leaving Olalla. Remember that being a Dad is something that has always been very important to me. The episode with crack caused the first chink in me being true to that relationship.
I was able to get a job at pizza joint in Puyallup called Brewery City Pizza. Stephanie had worked there for a while and got me an interview at the new place they were opening in Puyallup. The manager was a pretty cool dude. His name will come to me, but, at the moment it is alluding me. Me and him hit it off from the start. Wow, yes, it is coming back to me now..........This was a decent time for me right after treatment. I was wanting to stay sober, off of everything. But, there were some environmental factors and issues with my own desire to continue to maintain my own walk in recovery that interfered.
Brewery City Pizza served beer and, while I was there, they started serving wine. I was able to stay away from it all for a while, but, it was always on my mind. My boss drank everyday after work. He was much like I was before treatment......work hard during the day, drink afterward, then do it all again the next day. There was that environment I was dealing with.
At home, in my mom's house, it was another tough scenario. I will never forget my first day out of treatment. Mom was at work, Ed is home when I get there. I put my stuff in my room and go out to say hello to Ed. He is sitting there loading a pipe with pot and goes to hand it to me!!!! OMG!!!!! I turned it down and said no thanks. Ed was a decent enough guy but he was a late stage alcoholic and pot smoker much like I was. He, like me, saw the crack as being this horrible thing, but not pot right? Anyway, there is what I was living with. Mom was doing some drinking during this time too. Much like me before, she worked hard and had some fun on her time off. I remember this being the very first time I was able to "see" the family dynamics in play. I am happy to say that my Mom quit drinking many years ago now. Unfortunately, Ed died in one of the worst ways I know a human to have to die........an alcoholic death. Mom and him had split and he moved to the Portland area. He was found in a motel room in the fetal position dead. Sad story. He was a good guy.
So, I have a job, good. I have a place to live, good. I am being a Dad, good. I am trying to keep my and Stephanie's relationship together, good. I also remember going to my first twelve step meetings out of treatment, so, that was good. Stephanie and I were also seeing a counselor to try to fix our relationship, so, that was good too.
My financial situation was very bleak. I was making minimum wage and half my take home every two weeks was going to child support. My mom must have been allowing me to live there rent free. I can't imagine how I would have been able to pay rent. This was one of my biggest stressors at the time. Working a full time job and being less than broke after each payday. I do remember making some progress, but, it was very little. Remember, my career options weren't the best during this time. Very few skills outside of the restaurant and security industries. A GED level education and skills from my military experience weren't anything I was able to transfer into anything of real value. Oh yeah, I just remembered this one.....my child support was set from making good money while at Loomis Armored.....now, I was making minimum wage. I tried to get it changed!!!! It was sooooo frustrating. At any rate, finances were tough. This is one of the areas I remember being most stressful during this time. Yet, I was forging ahead the best I could.
As far as my future, I am not sure what I had in my mind. I do remember enjoying my work at Brewery City. I pretty quickly moved into a Shift Manager position and, even though there was the drinking situation going on around me, I did what I had to do to make the best of it. I think I was thinking I could move up at Brewery City. I also remember Stephanie encouraging me to take a class at Pierce College. This was my very first taste of college. She was going to school during that time and thought it might be a good idea for me. I took a business class to see if it was something I would like.
Now, what next right? Well, I remember starting to drink again. I don't remember the exact day, but I do remember drinking with my boss at Brewery City and drinking at my Mom's work with Ed. I remember that well. This was probably four or five months out of treatment. For a short time I was able to maintain some control of my life. I think I was just trying to get back to where I was before crack. Unfortunately, that didn't play out so well......more tomorrow.
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