Recovery is sustained and life gets better
Aftercare. You might have heard this term if you have had any involvement, whether directly, or indirectly, with the the treatment arena. In our society most everyone has heard of inpatient treatment. There have been movies made about this part of the treatment for substance use disorders. This is the first 30-60 days of a person's treatment process. What we don't hear about is aftercare. The up to a year, or two years, after that first inpatient treatment. For myself, I went to aftercare for two years. This meant I went to group counseling at least once a week for a period of time, then after I was doing well, this became less, down to a once a month check in. Also, I went to individual counseling. For myself, I went to more than the required amount. I have been tons of professional counseling. During this period, the first few years of my recovery, I went to counseling once or more a week to address my depression, anxiety, and past sexual abuse. Aftercare is vital to an individual's ability to have long term sustained recovery. How that aftercare looks is individual. I only believe that JUST having a 30 day episode in treatment is likely not quite enough. We are good in our society at giving what is called "acute care", This is the initial 30 day treatment. What we are not good at is aftercare.
We left off yesterday with my life changing dramatically after my last inpatient treatment. I knew I had to change and I set out to make sure that became a reality. The last time I went to inpatient treatment my ears and eyes were opened wide. I owned, 100%, that I needed to stop all use of all substances.....drugs, alcohol, and for me, even cigarettes. All of it had to stop. I did this, at first, for mostly external reasons. I was in great fear of jail/prison. I had done a lot of damage in my career arena, which had effected my finances. Internally, I also was damaged. My soul had been a train wreck. I was ready to change. The external desire to change, changed to an internal desire to change in that first year of recovery. I was witnessing, first hand, that staying off of drugs/alcohol had much greater benefits for myself than going back.
I was a full time college student at Pierce College. Thriving in this environment of learning. I was working, by now full time at The Locker Room at the Tacoma Mall. Thriving in my work. Very quickly, within six months, I was promoted to Store Manager. My brother Bob had been transferred to a different store, and his assistant at the time, Dave, was promoted to Manager. I was bumped up to Shift Manager. This was a very fast paced environment and at the time, 1997, the company was doing very well. I have to take a minute to talk about two things, Dave Perry, and an incident while at The Locker Room.
First, Dave Perry. We don't talk to much today, simply because of distance and time passed, yet, he is someone I call a great person and a friend. Dave was one of my first bosses, besides my brother, that I told I was in recovery. In those early days I didn't tell many people. I was ashamed of what I had done and didn't have the knowledge I have today. Thus, talking about my past and who I was today wasn't something I did. Dave was great to work for and with. We had a District Manager that was not easy to work with at all. Dave struggled with this a lot because he was a strong leader and was frequently at odds with how she wanted him to lead. Dave was a good guy, heck, he still is I am sure! Dave would end up being my best man in my second wedding and someone who was in my circle of support in those first few years of recovery. Dave would end up leaving to take another job, but, we would remain friends for a while. Once I moved this way distance and time were the only factors that created distance between us. He was such a huge support.
Now, the incident.......I was a shift manager when Dave was the manager. About a three or four month time period. Being the shift manager I closed most nights. It was always myself and another employee closing. I will never forget the night I KNEW I saw it happen. The employee working with me on this one night pocketed cash out of the till! I saw it out of the corner of my eye. It wasn't like it happened and I was standing there watching her every move. I had just happened to turn around without her knowing and bam....money goes in her pocket. Now, I had doubt about what I witnessed.......maybe it was her money, maybe I am seeing things.....who knows, but I blew it off in that moment. She seemed like a good employee. Also, I had another pretty good reason to not have any attention brought to me for what I KNEW I just witnessed, but, I blew off.
I was a convicted felon......one of my felonies was a theft crime. My employer didn't know this. My brother was able to get me hired without having to a background check and he wasn't there to protect me anymore. Mind you, I hadn't done anything wrong, but, I certainly didn't want anyone to find out my history.....so, I didn't say anything about what I KNEW just happened. Shoot, I had been in loss prevention in years past AND I had been a thief myself. I knew what just happened. But, because of my past, I let I go. I figured she would get caught without me having to have a spotlight pointed at me.
That's not quite what happened. The office noticed the missing money pretty quickly. Dave asked me if I knew what happened. My fight or flight instinct about my own past being found out kicked in. I was in massive fear that they would find out that my brother never did a background check on me and they would have me do one and I would be done. I would be their primary suspect. I trusted Dave though and I took a risk. I told him about what I had seen AND why I didn't say anything. I told him I hadn't been background checked when I was hired AND why. Dave was 100% understanding. He didn't judge me, he believed me, he stood by my side. That didn't solve the problem at hand though.
Our district manager, the one who was difficult to work with, well she pointed the finger at me! In her mind, I was in charge, I had access to the money the most, it had to be me! I remember the phone call where she made these accusations to Dave on the phone. I was pissed off and...scared to death. I needed this job, I needed to pay bills, this wasn't going to go well. The company had a corporate investigator come to our store to interview all involved. That is where I was saved! He did his job well and she confessed!!!!! Whew!!!
Dave would not stay on long after that and left for a much better company closer to where he lived and with a much better boss. Now, you would think I might look for a different job too right? No, I didn't believe I had many alternatives and....after the theft incident, and Dave leaving, the District Manager took a liking to me.....I think mostly because she needed a manager in place and the assistant at the time was worthless. I liked the idea of being the manager. Opportunity, pay raise, and benefits. I was promoted to manager after Dave left.
So, now I am working near 60 hours a week, going to school full time, in a committed relationship, and an involved dad to Tyler. I was busy, busy, busy. To busy. It was making me crazy........luckily I maintained my recovery during this time. I made the decision to leave The Locker Room after my own stint as the Manager. Retail Management in that arena was crazy. You make little (salary) and are required to work ridiculous hours. Add to that the poor leadership, it was more than I could handle for very long. I was really wanting to become a counselor and school was my main focus. I also needed to earn a living, so, all in all, it was tough situation.
I decided to leave there and find a job closer to where I was living at the time in Sumner. I went to work at a restaurant in Sumner as a cook. I grew up in restaurants so this was second nature. It was near the same amount of money as the full time plus gig at the mall, much less stress, and a much better boss! I can't remember his name......but it was the former KC's Caboose in Sumner. It burnt down many years ago, but in it's time it was a staple of downtown Sumner. I loved the job!
Somewhere in here, because I know the first time I talked to him, Kevin Ruoff, I was just over a year in recovery, I interviewed for a job in a field I believed I would NEVER work in again. My brother in law Vern worked for Fred Meyer. I will never forget when he approached me about applying for a part time job at the store he was at. I am sure I laughed at him. I was a convicted felon...this wasn't going to happen. Vern said his boss was an open minded person and he would be willing to talk to Kevin and see if would give me an interview.......and telling him I have a record. I really didn't believe this was going to happen, but, what did I have to lose? Nothing. I already had a job and I figure what the heck....I said ok, see what you can do.
I first interviewed with Fred Meyer at just over a year in recovery, mind you, for a job in Loss Prevention, with Kevin, who was the District Loss Prevention Manager. This seemed silly to even try, but I had been making massive change in my life. I was starting to believe in myself and knowing that what I did while I was using drugs wasn't who I really was, I gave it a shot. The interview went well overall. Kevin was very nice and listened to my story. At the end of the interview he said he wasn't ready, at that time, to give me a shot. He felt just having a year in recovery wasn't quite enough for him to be willing to go to his bosses and get me approved with my record. He told me, if I was still doing what I was doing in a year, to get a hold of him again. I remember leaving there feeling good about how it went. Sure, there was some disappointment about not getting the gig, but, I already had a job so it wasn't like I needed this one. It was also an opportunity to open up and be real.
I kept on keeping on......and, a year later, guess what? Yup, I went back. I was still in school, still working as cook, and I got a hold of him and asked for another interview. I had been in recovery for over two years and was ready to see what could happen. Vern had another opening at the Lakewood Fred Meyer (now since torn down) and I had a desire to get a job I thought I could NEVER do again. I had loved catching shoplifters in years past when I worked in the field after the military. I was good at it.
This was a turning point in my recovery. Another time, like before when I didn't believe I was good enough to go to college, where I was proven wrong. A good way to be proven wrong. Kevin went to his boss, the vice president of loss prevention, and got approval to hire me as a part time loss prevention specialist at Fred Meyer. I was hired in late Feb of 1998. I had just over two years in recovery. I could not believe it! This was, and still is, a true to life example of how, with a life in recovery, anything is possible. Vern, who believed in me, passed this onto his boss, Kevin, who took a chance on me, and, I was hired. I would turn that chance into a nearly eight year career with Fred Meyer. I was able to show the world that my past was fueled only by a substance use disorder. I was able to show the world that just because someone makes mistakes doesn't mean that is who they are as a person.
I had been in college for just over two years wanting to become a counselor. Yet, now I had a whole new path I was going down with Fred Meyer. Fred Meyer, at this time, was it's own company. The loss prevention program was amazing. Tons of opportunity to grow and learn. I was offered a full time position within a few months and took it. I made the decision, and I am glad I did during this time, to change my career path. I stopped going to school and turned my focus to a career at Fred Meyer. I took the chance I was given and ran with it!
On the relationship side I had work to do. I always say I don't talk about my second wife because it was very short lived and I tend to give her a bad rap. I shouldn't do that. Sue was a great person and the time we spent together wasn't all bad. She was there for me in those early days of recovery. While we didn't work out, me making the decision to end our short lived marriage after just a year, I do remember good times. She helped me with learning how to budget my money and was truly a catalyst for me being responsible with my finances. I literally had thousands of dollars in debt to government agencies, back child support, and personal finances during this time. She helped to learn that sometimes just communicating realistically can be helpful. I had been one to just ignore the money situations hoping they would magically go away.....she helped me to see the reality of this mentality. I hope she his doing well in her world.
I met Stephanie after starting at Fred Meyer. Her and I would start a near ten year relationship/marriage that would, in the end, be something that helped me become the person I am to this day. She had her own past and I had mine. We were two people, who in reality, were from very broken pasts. Throughout our years together we would both go through a massive amount of change and growth as individuals.
The time period between 1998 and 2001, pre Ellensburg time, was marked with growth in a lot of areas. I would continue to change my life for the better. Stephanie and I would become serious, move in together, and move to the Puyallup area. We both worked for Fred Meyer, but for a time, she left and went to work with my ex wife Cyndi for a short time at a company Cyndi was with. I know, you might be thinking this is weird. Well, we didn't think so. Cyndi and I had not been together for years and her and Steph got along well. It worked for us.
By 2000 I had been through management training at Fred Meyer and I was in the waiting to be promoted to a Loss Prevention Manager and get my own store. It was a pretty big deal. A kid from the streets of Tacoma, who ran in the wrong crowds and went down the wrong streets, now being considered for promotion to a Loss Prevention Manager for a major retailer? How does that happen?? Because of recovery. I was promoted and was given a store in Kent, just off of Pacific Hwy. This was a good day. A very good day indeed.
Tomorrow, I tell the story of seeking out, and finding, my biological father. To find out, that for over 20 years, he was living less than fifty miles from me, was not the best feeling in the world.
We left off yesterday with my life changing dramatically after my last inpatient treatment. I knew I had to change and I set out to make sure that became a reality. The last time I went to inpatient treatment my ears and eyes were opened wide. I owned, 100%, that I needed to stop all use of all substances.....drugs, alcohol, and for me, even cigarettes. All of it had to stop. I did this, at first, for mostly external reasons. I was in great fear of jail/prison. I had done a lot of damage in my career arena, which had effected my finances. Internally, I also was damaged. My soul had been a train wreck. I was ready to change. The external desire to change, changed to an internal desire to change in that first year of recovery. I was witnessing, first hand, that staying off of drugs/alcohol had much greater benefits for myself than going back.
I was a full time college student at Pierce College. Thriving in this environment of learning. I was working, by now full time at The Locker Room at the Tacoma Mall. Thriving in my work. Very quickly, within six months, I was promoted to Store Manager. My brother Bob had been transferred to a different store, and his assistant at the time, Dave, was promoted to Manager. I was bumped up to Shift Manager. This was a very fast paced environment and at the time, 1997, the company was doing very well. I have to take a minute to talk about two things, Dave Perry, and an incident while at The Locker Room.
First, Dave Perry. We don't talk to much today, simply because of distance and time passed, yet, he is someone I call a great person and a friend. Dave was one of my first bosses, besides my brother, that I told I was in recovery. In those early days I didn't tell many people. I was ashamed of what I had done and didn't have the knowledge I have today. Thus, talking about my past and who I was today wasn't something I did. Dave was great to work for and with. We had a District Manager that was not easy to work with at all. Dave struggled with this a lot because he was a strong leader and was frequently at odds with how she wanted him to lead. Dave was a good guy, heck, he still is I am sure! Dave would end up being my best man in my second wedding and someone who was in my circle of support in those first few years of recovery. Dave would end up leaving to take another job, but, we would remain friends for a while. Once I moved this way distance and time were the only factors that created distance between us. He was such a huge support.
Now, the incident.......I was a shift manager when Dave was the manager. About a three or four month time period. Being the shift manager I closed most nights. It was always myself and another employee closing. I will never forget the night I KNEW I saw it happen. The employee working with me on this one night pocketed cash out of the till! I saw it out of the corner of my eye. It wasn't like it happened and I was standing there watching her every move. I had just happened to turn around without her knowing and bam....money goes in her pocket. Now, I had doubt about what I witnessed.......maybe it was her money, maybe I am seeing things.....who knows, but I blew it off in that moment. She seemed like a good employee. Also, I had another pretty good reason to not have any attention brought to me for what I KNEW I just witnessed, but, I blew off.
I was a convicted felon......one of my felonies was a theft crime. My employer didn't know this. My brother was able to get me hired without having to a background check and he wasn't there to protect me anymore. Mind you, I hadn't done anything wrong, but, I certainly didn't want anyone to find out my history.....so, I didn't say anything about what I KNEW just happened. Shoot, I had been in loss prevention in years past AND I had been a thief myself. I knew what just happened. But, because of my past, I let I go. I figured she would get caught without me having to have a spotlight pointed at me.
That's not quite what happened. The office noticed the missing money pretty quickly. Dave asked me if I knew what happened. My fight or flight instinct about my own past being found out kicked in. I was in massive fear that they would find out that my brother never did a background check on me and they would have me do one and I would be done. I would be their primary suspect. I trusted Dave though and I took a risk. I told him about what I had seen AND why I didn't say anything. I told him I hadn't been background checked when I was hired AND why. Dave was 100% understanding. He didn't judge me, he believed me, he stood by my side. That didn't solve the problem at hand though.
Our district manager, the one who was difficult to work with, well she pointed the finger at me! In her mind, I was in charge, I had access to the money the most, it had to be me! I remember the phone call where she made these accusations to Dave on the phone. I was pissed off and...scared to death. I needed this job, I needed to pay bills, this wasn't going to go well. The company had a corporate investigator come to our store to interview all involved. That is where I was saved! He did his job well and she confessed!!!!! Whew!!!
Dave would not stay on long after that and left for a much better company closer to where he lived and with a much better boss. Now, you would think I might look for a different job too right? No, I didn't believe I had many alternatives and....after the theft incident, and Dave leaving, the District Manager took a liking to me.....I think mostly because she needed a manager in place and the assistant at the time was worthless. I liked the idea of being the manager. Opportunity, pay raise, and benefits. I was promoted to manager after Dave left.
So, now I am working near 60 hours a week, going to school full time, in a committed relationship, and an involved dad to Tyler. I was busy, busy, busy. To busy. It was making me crazy........luckily I maintained my recovery during this time. I made the decision to leave The Locker Room after my own stint as the Manager. Retail Management in that arena was crazy. You make little (salary) and are required to work ridiculous hours. Add to that the poor leadership, it was more than I could handle for very long. I was really wanting to become a counselor and school was my main focus. I also needed to earn a living, so, all in all, it was tough situation.
I decided to leave there and find a job closer to where I was living at the time in Sumner. I went to work at a restaurant in Sumner as a cook. I grew up in restaurants so this was second nature. It was near the same amount of money as the full time plus gig at the mall, much less stress, and a much better boss! I can't remember his name......but it was the former KC's Caboose in Sumner. It burnt down many years ago, but in it's time it was a staple of downtown Sumner. I loved the job!
Somewhere in here, because I know the first time I talked to him, Kevin Ruoff, I was just over a year in recovery, I interviewed for a job in a field I believed I would NEVER work in again. My brother in law Vern worked for Fred Meyer. I will never forget when he approached me about applying for a part time job at the store he was at. I am sure I laughed at him. I was a convicted felon...this wasn't going to happen. Vern said his boss was an open minded person and he would be willing to talk to Kevin and see if would give me an interview.......and telling him I have a record. I really didn't believe this was going to happen, but, what did I have to lose? Nothing. I already had a job and I figure what the heck....I said ok, see what you can do.
I first interviewed with Fred Meyer at just over a year in recovery, mind you, for a job in Loss Prevention, with Kevin, who was the District Loss Prevention Manager. This seemed silly to even try, but I had been making massive change in my life. I was starting to believe in myself and knowing that what I did while I was using drugs wasn't who I really was, I gave it a shot. The interview went well overall. Kevin was very nice and listened to my story. At the end of the interview he said he wasn't ready, at that time, to give me a shot. He felt just having a year in recovery wasn't quite enough for him to be willing to go to his bosses and get me approved with my record. He told me, if I was still doing what I was doing in a year, to get a hold of him again. I remember leaving there feeling good about how it went. Sure, there was some disappointment about not getting the gig, but, I already had a job so it wasn't like I needed this one. It was also an opportunity to open up and be real.
I kept on keeping on......and, a year later, guess what? Yup, I went back. I was still in school, still working as cook, and I got a hold of him and asked for another interview. I had been in recovery for over two years and was ready to see what could happen. Vern had another opening at the Lakewood Fred Meyer (now since torn down) and I had a desire to get a job I thought I could NEVER do again. I had loved catching shoplifters in years past when I worked in the field after the military. I was good at it.
This was a turning point in my recovery. Another time, like before when I didn't believe I was good enough to go to college, where I was proven wrong. A good way to be proven wrong. Kevin went to his boss, the vice president of loss prevention, and got approval to hire me as a part time loss prevention specialist at Fred Meyer. I was hired in late Feb of 1998. I had just over two years in recovery. I could not believe it! This was, and still is, a true to life example of how, with a life in recovery, anything is possible. Vern, who believed in me, passed this onto his boss, Kevin, who took a chance on me, and, I was hired. I would turn that chance into a nearly eight year career with Fred Meyer. I was able to show the world that my past was fueled only by a substance use disorder. I was able to show the world that just because someone makes mistakes doesn't mean that is who they are as a person.
I had been in college for just over two years wanting to become a counselor. Yet, now I had a whole new path I was going down with Fred Meyer. Fred Meyer, at this time, was it's own company. The loss prevention program was amazing. Tons of opportunity to grow and learn. I was offered a full time position within a few months and took it. I made the decision, and I am glad I did during this time, to change my career path. I stopped going to school and turned my focus to a career at Fred Meyer. I took the chance I was given and ran with it!
On the relationship side I had work to do. I always say I don't talk about my second wife because it was very short lived and I tend to give her a bad rap. I shouldn't do that. Sue was a great person and the time we spent together wasn't all bad. She was there for me in those early days of recovery. While we didn't work out, me making the decision to end our short lived marriage after just a year, I do remember good times. She helped me with learning how to budget my money and was truly a catalyst for me being responsible with my finances. I literally had thousands of dollars in debt to government agencies, back child support, and personal finances during this time. She helped to learn that sometimes just communicating realistically can be helpful. I had been one to just ignore the money situations hoping they would magically go away.....she helped me to see the reality of this mentality. I hope she his doing well in her world.
I met Stephanie after starting at Fred Meyer. Her and I would start a near ten year relationship/marriage that would, in the end, be something that helped me become the person I am to this day. She had her own past and I had mine. We were two people, who in reality, were from very broken pasts. Throughout our years together we would both go through a massive amount of change and growth as individuals.
The time period between 1998 and 2001, pre Ellensburg time, was marked with growth in a lot of areas. I would continue to change my life for the better. Stephanie and I would become serious, move in together, and move to the Puyallup area. We both worked for Fred Meyer, but for a time, she left and went to work with my ex wife Cyndi for a short time at a company Cyndi was with. I know, you might be thinking this is weird. Well, we didn't think so. Cyndi and I had not been together for years and her and Steph got along well. It worked for us.
By 2000 I had been through management training at Fred Meyer and I was in the waiting to be promoted to a Loss Prevention Manager and get my own store. It was a pretty big deal. A kid from the streets of Tacoma, who ran in the wrong crowds and went down the wrong streets, now being considered for promotion to a Loss Prevention Manager for a major retailer? How does that happen?? Because of recovery. I was promoted and was given a store in Kent, just off of Pacific Hwy. This was a good day. A very good day indeed.
Tomorrow, I tell the story of seeking out, and finding, my biological father. To find out, that for over 20 years, he was living less than fifty miles from me, was not the best feeling in the world.
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