Aftercare and beyond
My good friend Sarah will celebrate 10 years on Monday. We are having her over tomorrow to celebrate her time in recovery. Sarah is someone that shows, clearly, that recovery works and lives change. Sarah is a marathoner, mountaineer, bicyclist, and, most importantly, an amazing human being. Sarah and I were in active use together ten years ago. We headed down roads that, fortunate for us, were short. Both of us were able to get back into recovery before our lives spiraled into the abyss. Sarah is someone I have known more in recovery then out of. She is family. She is my ridge partner. She is my confidant. She is....well, Sarah. Those that know her, know what I mean. She's pretty much a badass. So, for today, I open with the above to celebrate her.
Yesterday I had left treatment, was back at my sisters, and.....I was scared........I remember this well.
But, before I continue with the after Olalla story, I have to go back there for a minute......this is vitally important to my story. I remember a presentation we had before I left that would mark a spot in my brain, and truly, would change the course of my entire life, both personally and professionally. This guy, Terry Weber, came out and gave a presentation on a program. This program was called the "V.O.T.E. Program". Vocational opportunity, training, and education. So, Terry goes on to talk about this opportunity for those in early recovery to be in a program, now this was the kicker.....on a college campus! When I heard this I immediately said this isn't going to work for me......I only have a GED, what am I going to do on a college campus??? Yet, Terry dispelled my internal voices and said this didn't matter, all would be accepted. Terry shared that he had been in prison and now had a degree himself and taught at the VOTE program. I went up to him after and asked questions, I was interested. Still skeptical, mostly because I didn't believe in myself, but I was very curious. He said the program included daily lessons on self esteem, resume creation, job hunting skills, tools to help students get into college, and many others.....all of it on a college campus in a space with others who were also in early recovery. There was only one requirement to graduate after the seven week program was over.....either, gain full time employment, or, full time college enrollment. I was sold...well mostly, intellectually I was sold. Emotionally, I wasn't.....I couldn't do it.....I wasn't smart enough or good enough.
Ok, back to the after Olalla time......I am at my sisters, literally, freaking out. I call my case worker at DSHS and ask her if I can get more treatment, I am not ready to be out in the world. I remember her kindness, but, also her expressing the reality of it all. She said she could put me on a list........a long list. Once my name moved to the top I would be able to go to a structured after care program. Kind of like a clean and sober house, but a step up. Like inpatient a bit, but, you would be allowed freedom to slowly reintegrate yourself back out......this was EXACTLY what I needed. Olalla was amazing, I don't discount that at all, but, I needed more. When I heard about the wait I said put me on the list. An hour passes and the phone rings.....
It's my case worker......she says she couldn't explain how this happened, but a bed opened up at a place in Sumner. It was an all men's place called Prosperity house. I knew this is what I needed to hear, but, mind you I was scared......I hesitantly said yes. I know, I know, hesitantly???? Yes. Mind you, the mind of someone in early recovery is full, over full, of so many thoughts and emotions, it's like a minefield of sorts. Thoughts and feelings are swarming around at breakneck speed with no clear idea of how to deal with them all. So, yes, I hesitantly said yes, I would be there that day.
I got off the phone...I remember this well, called my sister and brother in law in the room and I cried.....like a baby. I was scared to go to this place I didn't know. What would happen there? It was going to be for 90 days. Would I be able to leave if I wanted? It was so far away. Who would I have to room with? It was a complete unknown. They encouraged me and told me I was making the right decision. I went to Prosperity House and allowed the process to move forward. I wanted to change. I wanted a better life for the long run.
It was at prosperity that I was able to put into action the things I learned for the second time at Olalla. I was able to be in a structured environment where I had immediate access to services. Counseling, medical, peer support, food, transportation and more. To this very day, I am thankful for all that happened at Prosperity. It was also during my stay at Prosperity house that the time had come to face sentencing for my crimes. I will never forget the day.
At prosperity house many of us had committed crimes while in active use. Being in recovery many of us were attending to our past by going to court houses, starting to pay fines, turning ourselves in. There would be times when police would come and pick guys up on warrants from Prosperity. Having legal issues was very much a part of early recovery for all most of us.
For me, the most pressing, was my pending felony burglary case. By this point I had agreed to plead it down to a 2nd Degree Burglary charge. I was facing six to twelve months in jail. My sentencing date had been put off while I went to treatment. My sentencing date was coming up fast. I was scared. A normal feeling for me. I was constantly scared in active use, and now, in early recovery I was even more scared on a regular basis. I remember everyone was preparing me to spend at least time in jail. My attorney, probation officer, and others....they all said the same thing, you will spend time in jail for this one. I was mentally preparing myself for this reality. It didn't deter me from doing what I was doing while waiting for my sentencing. I was viewing my upcoming jail time as just a break in my recovery work. At least now, if I went to jail, I had the tools needed to keep my head right while inside jail.
My sentencing date was April 30, 1996. While a large part of me wanted to run, I didn't. I went to face the music.
Yesterday I had left treatment, was back at my sisters, and.....I was scared........I remember this well.
But, before I continue with the after Olalla story, I have to go back there for a minute......this is vitally important to my story. I remember a presentation we had before I left that would mark a spot in my brain, and truly, would change the course of my entire life, both personally and professionally. This guy, Terry Weber, came out and gave a presentation on a program. This program was called the "V.O.T.E. Program". Vocational opportunity, training, and education. So, Terry goes on to talk about this opportunity for those in early recovery to be in a program, now this was the kicker.....on a college campus! When I heard this I immediately said this isn't going to work for me......I only have a GED, what am I going to do on a college campus??? Yet, Terry dispelled my internal voices and said this didn't matter, all would be accepted. Terry shared that he had been in prison and now had a degree himself and taught at the VOTE program. I went up to him after and asked questions, I was interested. Still skeptical, mostly because I didn't believe in myself, but I was very curious. He said the program included daily lessons on self esteem, resume creation, job hunting skills, tools to help students get into college, and many others.....all of it on a college campus in a space with others who were also in early recovery. There was only one requirement to graduate after the seven week program was over.....either, gain full time employment, or, full time college enrollment. I was sold...well mostly, intellectually I was sold. Emotionally, I wasn't.....I couldn't do it.....I wasn't smart enough or good enough.
Ok, back to the after Olalla time......I am at my sisters, literally, freaking out. I call my case worker at DSHS and ask her if I can get more treatment, I am not ready to be out in the world. I remember her kindness, but, also her expressing the reality of it all. She said she could put me on a list........a long list. Once my name moved to the top I would be able to go to a structured after care program. Kind of like a clean and sober house, but a step up. Like inpatient a bit, but, you would be allowed freedom to slowly reintegrate yourself back out......this was EXACTLY what I needed. Olalla was amazing, I don't discount that at all, but, I needed more. When I heard about the wait I said put me on the list. An hour passes and the phone rings.....
It's my case worker......she says she couldn't explain how this happened, but a bed opened up at a place in Sumner. It was an all men's place called Prosperity house. I knew this is what I needed to hear, but, mind you I was scared......I hesitantly said yes. I know, I know, hesitantly???? Yes. Mind you, the mind of someone in early recovery is full, over full, of so many thoughts and emotions, it's like a minefield of sorts. Thoughts and feelings are swarming around at breakneck speed with no clear idea of how to deal with them all. So, yes, I hesitantly said yes, I would be there that day.
I got off the phone...I remember this well, called my sister and brother in law in the room and I cried.....like a baby. I was scared to go to this place I didn't know. What would happen there? It was going to be for 90 days. Would I be able to leave if I wanted? It was so far away. Who would I have to room with? It was a complete unknown. They encouraged me and told me I was making the right decision. I went to Prosperity House and allowed the process to move forward. I wanted to change. I wanted a better life for the long run.
It was at prosperity that I was able to put into action the things I learned for the second time at Olalla. I was able to be in a structured environment where I had immediate access to services. Counseling, medical, peer support, food, transportation and more. To this very day, I am thankful for all that happened at Prosperity. It was also during my stay at Prosperity house that the time had come to face sentencing for my crimes. I will never forget the day.
At prosperity house many of us had committed crimes while in active use. Being in recovery many of us were attending to our past by going to court houses, starting to pay fines, turning ourselves in. There would be times when police would come and pick guys up on warrants from Prosperity. Having legal issues was very much a part of early recovery for all most of us.
For me, the most pressing, was my pending felony burglary case. By this point I had agreed to plead it down to a 2nd Degree Burglary charge. I was facing six to twelve months in jail. My sentencing date had been put off while I went to treatment. My sentencing date was coming up fast. I was scared. A normal feeling for me. I was constantly scared in active use, and now, in early recovery I was even more scared on a regular basis. I remember everyone was preparing me to spend at least time in jail. My attorney, probation officer, and others....they all said the same thing, you will spend time in jail for this one. I was mentally preparing myself for this reality. It didn't deter me from doing what I was doing while waiting for my sentencing. I was viewing my upcoming jail time as just a break in my recovery work. At least now, if I went to jail, I had the tools needed to keep my head right while inside jail.
My sentencing date was April 30, 1996. While a large part of me wanted to run, I didn't. I went to face the music.
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