Early recovery

Early recovery, the first couple years, is a time of change, growth, and discovery.   Early recovery is filled with opportunities to reevaluate life goals, repair family relationships, heal the physical body, and engage with professional help to try to dissect all that is happening in the mind.  Recovery is amazing, there is no doubt about that.  Yet, recovery is work.   It is not for the faint of heart.   Early recovery, the first couple years, is where people really start learning about themselves on a deeper level.  For some, myself included, for the first time ever.  The need for support during this time is huge.   Probably more so than any other time, the person in recovery needs support in many ways.  I remember being able to hear in a class the need for having a strong support system that included many people in my life.    It is with this support, through the support of many, why I am where I am today.   Support is vital.  Yes, I had to do the work, but, without support along the way, I wouldn't be able to get through each stage of growth and change.  

My sentencing date was here........no more delays, it was time to face the judge.   I've been trying to remember who was at the hearing, I can't remember everyone.  I do remember my probation officer made an appearance on my behalf.   This was a complete surprise to me and something I am grateful for to this day.   I had family there I am sure.   It was a scary day so I can't remember specifically who came.   I know my brother Bob had come to my hearings in the past, along with my sister Cheri and brother in law Vern.  

Mine was a sentencing hearing in a long list of hearings in that day.  Pierce County Superior Court in 1995 was flooded with cases very similar to mine.  Meth and criminal activity.   They went hand in hand.   I couldn't imagine being a judge during this time in Pierce County.   It was ugly.    I had seen this judge for my prior felony.   For that one, less than a year prior, I received probation and a suspended sentence.   That could have also been brought up in this hearing I am sure.   I was scared.   I have no other word to describe it.....just scared.  Even though I had done things to turn my life around I knew I was going to jail.    I would have to put everything on hold and do my time in a cell.   There was no running, putting it off, or hoping for it to just go away.   With my record in front of him, the recommendation from the prosecutor of six to twelve months, it was time.  I would be back out and could continue my life after serving my time.

My case was called, I went up, the particulars were read, and the prosecutor made their recommendation; it didn't change, six to twelve months.    I had a recent prior felony and now a new one, it was time I learned my lesson.   My attorney, Mike McNerthney, it was his turn.    He laid it all out on the line.  Yes, he was just convicted of a previous felony for possession of meth, yes the other charges of fraud were dropped.  Yes, he did continue use and behavior after that, here he was again.   Then, he continued.......he went back to treatment, he is still in treatment and is doing well.  He has been in recovery for over two months, he is now complying with the requirements of his probation and he is staying away from environments that are not good for him.    I was just standing there I am sure....frozen in time, scared.   As I am typing this one of my favorite all time songs came on....These Days by Jackson Browne.    Fitting for this moment in time....and for that moment in time.    Mike also noted the my probation officer was in the audience on my behalf, a rarity in these type of proceedings.    He also noted I had family support in the area and I was engaging with them to stay out of trouble............that was it.   Then, the judge looked at everything in front of him........complete silence.......it was time.    I am going to jail.   I am ready.    He looked at me and said he remembered me from my previous sentencing.   I am for sure going to jail.   He said it isn't often that he sees people who he believes are really trying to change.   He says he is going to sentence me to 120 days in jail with 90 suspended and the other 90 days credit for time served.  Day for day for the time I had been in treatment.   I am listening to this, in complete shock.  He says he will be watching me and if he sees me in his court again it won't be the same.   I walk free that day.    My attorney couldn't believe it.  I am sure the prosecutor couldn't believe it.  I certainly couldn't believe it.   No jail.    No jail for what I was told by anyone who knew anything, I was going to jail.  

My journal entry from that evening:

"Well here I am!  I do know now that the changes I am making or good!  Why am I not in Jail? Well partly I believe because I am doing, or, should better say, I did the footwork necessary to help better my situation.   I am physically not doing well so I am going to go to bed early"

This day spoke loudly to me then in a way that propelled me right to where I am today.

It spoke to the power of early recovery.   It spoke to knowing that if I kept making changes in my life good things could happen. I remember, after reading this, that I was struggling with a lot of physical and mental pain.....but, I did what I had to do on a daily basis.  Some days, because of the depression and worry, it was hard to get out of bed.   Some days, because of the physical pain, dental and back pain, it was hard to function, but I did what I had to do.  I kept striving ahead......with.....support.  I was in an environment during this time where I had access to resources to keep me sane.

I was on a new high that day.   For one of the first times in my life I felt good without using drugs and alcohol.  I felt compassion from a judge who I know was dealing with the scourge of meth on a daily basis.  I felt the compassion from my probation officer who showed up in the courtroom.  I felt hope in a way that I had not felt in a long long time.   It was time to continue this mission I was on and see what other possibilities were out there.

I went back to Prosperity that day.   I went back to doing what was working.  I would leave Prosperity on May 18th, 1996 after successfully completing 90 more days of treatment after the 21 in Olalla.   I would continue changing my life in ways I could never imagine at the time.



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