Onward to the 90's........

Please know that I smoked a LOT of pot and did a significant amount of drugs in my time.  My memory is not always completely clear on things from many years ago.   I do my best to piece it all together....

So, we were at the end of the 80's.  I am out of the military, married, and pretty much just maintaining my life the best I can.   Low income jobs, lot's of drinking and pot smoking, and a marriage that was held on by a string or two.  

I was finally able to secure a good job!   After being out of the military for a couple years I was able to get a decent paying job at Loomis Armored.   For me, a guy with a GED level education, military experience that was only specific to shooting weapons, and driving tanks/trucks, it was a good job for sure.   Steady work, benefits, and good pay...all good.   I immediately thrived in the environment.  It was faced paced and hard work that required the ability to do many things at the same time in an efficient manner.   One of the few negative things for the work was the fact that I found myself going to the bar nearly every day after work.   It was normal.   I will come back to that shortly.

It was also during this time that me and Cyndi had split up a couple times and did the getting back together to try to make it work thing.   Our issues surrounding my behaviour when drinking, jealousy, and an all around lack of relationship skills on both of our parts contributed to all the chaos in our marriage.   If memory serves me right we were living in Puyallup and got back together to give it one more go.  That is when she became pregnant with Tyler.   During this time it was like new leaf had turned in my life.

A good job, my wife and I are having a baby, all will be well in the world.

Tyler was born July 24, 1990. Cyndi and I moved back to Tacoma and had a little place near where I worked.  It wasn't much, but, for us, it was a nice little place that we could call our own.   Now, for a kid who was 23 years old, who was in reality still a teenager in his actions and a heavy drinker and pot smoker, it didn't spell success.

I try to remember my mental state during this time and it was one that held some hope, but, in many ways, it held a lot of sadness, guilt, and confusion due to my past and current life.  I will share in another writing the secret I was holding on too.   A secret that I held until I was 29 years old.  

The job at Loomis provided me with structure, a solid income,  and benefits.  It also gave me an entire new friend group.   I bonded with a few of the guys and we found ourselves hitting the bar many days after work.   Now, because my drinking was already not good, me and couple guys from the bar would sometimes leave that bar after a few hours, and go to the nightclub.   This only progressed to being a normal thing.   Leave work at 3pm, hit the bar until 5 maybe 6, than, either go home drunk, or, go home, start an arguement, change, and leave again to go to the nightclub.  All with a wife and baby at home.  It wasn't pretty at all.  This cycle continued for months and months.

We are in the year 1990 at this time.  Tyler is just a few months old.   Cyndi is the primary caregiver due to me working and then drinking after work.

During this time Cyndi was my largest support.   Even though our marriage ended horribly, without her there during the time Tyler was a baby, it would have been much much worse.   She, being the child of an alcoholic, and then marrying an alcoholic, was the one to try to mend all the craziness that I created as a result of my drinking and drug use.   If you look up the family system of an alcoholic, the co-dependent, she fit that mold.  While co-dependents are given a bad rap in a lot of cases, without Cyndi, I would have been dead, in jail, or on the streets.   I am grateful to this day for her support during that time.