LIfe goes on......it really does

If there is one main thing I have learned it is that life goes on.   Regardless of my view of a situation, my feelings about, or, anything else, life continues to go on.  As you have read during this last month, I have been through some things.   I have been through some things in my life I would never wish upon my worst enemy.  I have been through things that have had a long and lasting effect on my mental well being.   I have been through things that continue, to this day, to effect me on a regular basis.  Yet, even with all of that, life goes on.   We have a quote in our home that speaks to this, and, is a way for me to move forward when times are tough.  It says "I can sum up everything I have learned about life in three words.  It goes on.".   I value using meditation and living in the moment as much as possible, especially during stressful times.   I value understanding that what is happening in the moment is likely to pass.   This is true for the tough stuff and the amazing things.   I have learned to enjoy the moment when it is great, because, it is going to pass.  I have learned to deal with the tough stuff in the moment, because, it is going to pass.   I am not perfect, I don't have it all figured out, and I am constantly learning.    That last statement is most important for me to always remember. 

The last several years have had markers along the way that have solidified me shifting from the past, to living in the now.   Who I am today as a person, not who I used to be years ago.

In 2010 I petitioned Pierce County Superior Court and was able to have both of my felony convictions vacated from my record.   This lifted a weight from my mind that I carried for nearly fifteen years.   Having the added "I am a convicted felon" to any talk about a job prospect carried a lot of negative ramifications even long after I had finished all the requirements of my sentence.  After paying restitution and being years from the crimes I still carried the weight of my past transgressions.  I have experienced, again and again, prospective employers, landlords, and others, looking at me like I was a criminal, or even worse, not even talking to me after finding out I was a convicted felon. Going back to the courts and having this long held status taken off of my back was a monumental event.    Having all my rights restored and feeling whole again.   I made certain my sister, the one who put her house up for me in those early days, the one who believed in me, I made sure she was there to see this.   I made sure my Mother was there, the one who raised four of us and gave us food, clothing, shelter, and love.  I made sure my hero was there, my brother Bob.   I made sure Vern was there, the one who took a chance on me at Fred Meyer.   I had nieces and nephews there to show them recovery works and lives change.  It was a good day.

Another amazing piece of of the last several years has been gaining and education.   I went back to school with the goal of obtaining that piece of paper.   The bachelor's degree.  I gained more, much more.  At the time, from 2009-2011 I was working in the counseling arena.  I was enjoying the work and had went through all the requirements to become a Chemical Dependency Professional.  A pretty rigorous process, and I had done it.  At the time I had the goal of maybe opening my own treatment center, or, going to work at an inpatient treatment facility.  Either way, I needed that bachelors degree.  While in school, my advisor, Duane Dowd, brought up applying for a Masters Program.   I am pretty certain my first response was something like "why would I do that?".   He was able to help me to see the benefits of getting a masters degree, but, I wasn't fully convinced.  I pondered it for a while.   He then said that I could also apply for a teaching assistantship.  This would mean I would get some of the degree paid for, and, I would get to try my hand at teaching.   This was the kicker.   My ears perked up high.

I applied.  I took a risk.  It would mean stepping out of the position I was in at the time, at least temporarily, while I worked on a Master's degree.   The agency I was working for at the time, with Pam as my boss, had been very good to me.   This was a tough decision to make, and a risk.   But, I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and reach for whatever was out there given this opportunity.

I walked into the classroom as a teaching assistant in that fall of 2011 and that was it.   I knew from that day what I wanted to do.  I had been told by people in my past that I would be a good teacher, but, I never listened.   This time, life helped me to listen.  This opportunity was it.  I graduated with a Master's in August of 2012 and immediately started teaching part time at CWU from that point until being hired full time not long after that.   I have been with CWU for over five years now and love the work I get to do.  I have since been encouraged, and am now entering my second year of work to earn a doctorate in education.  Yes, you heard that right, at the end of my current work, I will be Dr. Dave!  Crazy, I know.

The other main change that happened in my life in the last several years has been in the area of romantic relationships.  You know I have always wanted to find that perfect woman and settle down.  Through continued counseling I started to realize that the "perfect woman" was fiction.   I was chasing something that didn't exist.  This idea I had in my head about who this woman should be to fit into the mold I had designed in my head, was a bit off.   It wasn't going to work.    Yet, I still wanted love.   I was learning that my internal view of the "perfect woman" is what kept screwing me up.    It was highly unrealistic.  I was setting myself up for failure again and again.

Katrina and I had been friends since 2002.   I met her through mutual friends and she and I would remain friends for years.   She was someone that was always there for me.  We both would talk about life stuff, being supportive of each other's life endeavors.  Me, with all of my life stuff, and her with her hopes and dreams.  Our friendship was strong throughout the years.   Katrina was one of the people who was there in a big way through my massive mental health crisis in 2006.  Her and Barbara would come and make me get out of bed.  They would take me outside, trying to help me see the good in the world.   Katrina has always been there for me, through all of it.  An ear to listen, a friend to do things with, someone I could always count on, always.

Her and I started toying with the idea of dating in about 2010.   We were both in the dating scene during this time.   I didn't want to lose our strong friendship, thus, I didn't want to get serious.  I feared losing my friend.   She was patient and kind.  Not pushing and still doing her own thing.   Yet,  in my mind, I was thinking "me and Katrina?  Huh, maybe?"........I would push it aside, using the reasoning that I didn't want to lose our friendship.   "We had a strong friendship I said, I don't want to lose it I said"....this worked for a while.   I also had a knowing that if we pulled the trigger on dating, it was going to be serious.   I knew she could be the one.   The one I had been waiting for my entire life.   I talked to my counselor, friends, and family.   For the first time in my life, BEFORE I got serious, I talked to people.  I heard the same thing......"she is nice, kind, you have things in common, what is the issue?"

I couldn't ignore it anymore,   Katrina and I started dating on May 26, 2011.   It was like something I had never had before.   It was easy, simple, almost like............it was meant to be.

I asked Katrina to marry me on December 24th, 2011.   We were married on September 29th, 2012.  The rest as they say, is history.  I say on a regular basis, "I am the luckiest man alive".   As you know I have been in a couple of relationships, even been married before, but, this thing with Katrina, is different than anything I have ever had before.   I say this without any hesitation in my typing........I don't want to leave.  What do I mean?  Here it is......In almost all of my previous relationships, when I would get into a relationship, not long after, I would want out.   I know, it's crazy, but it was reality for me.  I would have this constant push and pull........that is gone.

I am with the most amazing woman in the world.   I can truly say......."I was looking all around me for the great and amazing person to have a relationship with....and.......she was right in front of me the whole time!"

I have a life today that I could never have imagined.  I couldn't have imagined this life as a kid from the streets of Tacoma, raised by a single mom doing the best she could with what she had.  I couldn't have imagined this life as young boy being sexually abused at the hands of a predator who had his sick way of holding me in his grip.  I couldn't have imagined this life as a person in active addiction, held strong by the drug I was using.   I couldn't have imagined this life when I first heard the words "convicted felon" used in conjunction with my name.  I couldn't have imagined this life knowing I might get "that call" when my son was near death or jail due to drugs.   I couldn't have imagined.

But, I am going to tell you something........here I am in.  I don't say that in an arrogant way, I say it, literally, with chills going through my bones just typing this.......I am still standing, and standing strong.    I am truly grateful for my life, all of it.   No, I don't like some of it.  Some of it is down right disgusting and painful to think about.  Yet, it is who I am in.

Today I am a father, a husband, a grandfather, a son, a brother, an uncle. Today, I am an educator,  an advisor, an activist, an advocate.  Today, I am human.

Recovery works, lives change.


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