The teen years of the shit show drive on...

I have healed. While much of what I went through in my childhood, in my teen years, and even well into my adult years would cause many to just keep going down the same destructive paths, I have healed. I have been fortunate to find a path to many resources to write this story for all to hear. With access to many counselors, support from family and friends, and my own inner drive to climb out of my crazy life journey, I have healed.  On the 25th of this month I will celebrate 14yrs as a person in recovery from  substance use disorders. I have healed from massive depression and overwhelming anxiety and haven't laid in bed for days on end for many years running. I get to live a life today I only dreamed of during the times you are reading about. I know I am fortunate. My goal for all of what I do, including these writings it share one story of many. I hope I can touch someone in a way that they may be able to find their own path to healing. I hope sharing my story can help young parents turn things around for themselves so their children don't have to suffer like my siblings and I did in our youth. These are the reasons I write my story for all to read.

We are living in Parkland, the saga with Lyn Gilmore had taken a hold of me, and, it gave me a whole new set of issues to deal with on a regular basis.  A secret that I told no one about. My mom had no idea. About a year after me meeting him and going to his house on a regular basis I remember when he met her. He dropped me off at yet another new place we were living at off of 46th & Portland in Tacoma in the Salishan neighborhood.  This was the FIRST time in my entire life that it was just me, and Mom and Tom.  That was it. I know....crazy, right?  From upwards of 10 plus in one house, all the way down to just three. I finally, after many years of always sharing space, had my own room. Everyone else had moved out after getting married, or, just simply moving out.  All at very young ages too.  My sisters married at 15 and 16.  Mom drove with Cheri and her first husband to Idaho so they could legally wed when she was 15.......yup, this was normal for our family.

Alas, here we are...Lyn wanted to finally meet my mom.  I will never forget the day. He came in flashing money. He talked about how hard a worker I was, and, in front of my mom, handed me a $50 bill for the great work I was doing.  This, by now is 1982'ish....and, I was 15.  He had never paid me more than $20-40 for any of the "work" I did for him to that point...never.  But, in front of my mom, his first time meeting her, he handed me a $50 bill.  Weird. 

Mom thought he was so nice. And, you know what, he was a nice person. Anyone he talked to, that I could see, liked him. It was ironic that we had moved to Salishan and that happened to be where he would first meet my mom. He had a ton of rental properties, all in Salishan.  He lived in a nice area of Parkland (this was when Parkland was nice), yet, he had all of his properties in Salishan.  He was like a god to the people who knew him.  He was also a deacon in his church on hilltop.  Seriously. it was like he lived it two separate worlds in this regard. He would bring me with him to pick up rent checks from time to time.  Like a literal "land lord" out collecting his money.  It was weird for sure. 

For me personally, during this time I was nearly dropped out of school.  We had moved from Parkland to the townhouse in Salishan and I do remember it being nice to finally have my own room.  First time ever.  And really, some attention from my mother. That was also a first for my entire life. But, I don't remember going to school during this time, I just don't.  I remember my son Tyler's mom, Cyndi, who I had dated on and off throughout these years, encouraging me to stay in school.  I tried an alternative school, but, again, school just wasn't a priority for me. 

So, as it always happened, the next move for mom came up and this is where I moved out.....at 15yrs old. Mom and Tom were going to move to Bremerton so Tom could be closer to work.  I did not want to live in Bremerton at all. And I honestly do not remember my mom making to much of a fight to have me go with them. I had a friend who, Todd, who was a little older (not weirdo like Lyn older), who I had met along the way, and he had an apartment and said I could move in with him.  The apartment complex was on the corner of Tyler and Center Street. Still there to this day.  Terry was living there with his new wife, and, I think Kenny was living with Terry.  At any rate, this was when I moved out and the next phase of my life began.

I was 15, my brother Bob got me a job as a dishwasher at Mr. Munchies (it was THE spot at the time) where he was a cook at in University Place that his in-laws owned, I somehow acquired a moped I was riding around (I think I had my permit by this time?), and I was officially on my own living with Todd. I worked, I drank and smoked pot, and I went through girlfriends like they were candy. The shit show of my childhood was turning into the shit show of my teen years.