Hey, let's talk a bit more about the shit show with a glimmer of light shining through!

Tangible family memories to hold onto.......we have none. I remember mom had this one bag of photos. It's interesting I remember this. One bag of pictures was all we had of our childhood that mom used to keep a hold of with all the moves. That was it....and one day, they were gone too. 

See, we were poor for one, we didn't have much as kids. Single mom, raising four kids, little to no support from our biological fathers. Help from the state came in the form of our trips to the food bank at the beginning of the month to get block cheese, powdered eggs and powdered milk. I remember as a kid the embarrassment of going to the store with food stamps. Back in the day you go books of food stamps. It looked like fake money. Just typing this brings feelings of shame to the front.  The looks we would get from people in line behind us and the cashier......it sucked. At the end of every month, we were usually hungry. I doubt mom made much money at all.  We are talking, for mom working, 60's-70's and into the mid 80's. Yeah, she didn't make much.  Thus, we didn't have much. 

The pictures of me and my siblings as kids are all we have.  We have nothing a normal child might have from their childhood.  Old school papers, toys, anything to give you some memories of your childhood.  It's funny too, as and adult, I hang on to momentos like they are gold.  I have a closet full of them. I just recently gave my son some of his.  I still have some I hang on to for him.  As kids, and then growing into adults, because of the shit show of our childhood, we had no momentos to look back on.  And you know, really, it might be best given what we did see as kids. 

Yesterday we left off when mom had gave it yet one more go with Gerry Emmerson.  I don't have memories of the how and why it ended, but, I am making an educated guess it wasn't pretty. My memories for the next place we lived was in a house mom's friend Judy and Al owned on 61st Street in Tacoma. I had to of been about 9'ish years old. I think, by about this time, my brother Bob might have moved out. He went to live with Grandpa Sonsteby. If he didn't move out right than, he DID move out shortly.

My memory is we moved into this house, and, Judy's ex-husband, Jonny Revell, was renting a room.  He was in the converted garage space. Alas, mom had a great opportunity to try, yet again, for a family! Her and Jonny hit it off and next thing you know, they were married right in the house. Mom's time between meeting a man, them moving in, and marriage following if it was going to, never took to long. It just didn't.  So, we now had a new dad!

Let me talk about the word "dad" for a minute.  This memory just struck me.  Mom ALWAYS wanted us to call them dad. Like almost immediately, she would tell us "call him dad, it will make him feel good". I am shaking my head as I type this. As an adult now, I cringe when I think about this for us kids. But, we were kids, she was our mom, we called them dad.  Dad's of the week was a real thing for us. Thus, Jonny entered the "dad of the week" category quickly.

Yet, with that, here is a glimmer of light for me in this shit show. Jonny Revell was a good one. My memory and image of him are all good. He took care of mom and us kids. Bob and him did not get along. I think it was to late for Bob to allow a man to try to have an impact on him.  To much had happened for Bob by that point. Bob moved out when Jonny moved in. 

Jonny was tall and built like a truck. He had a way about him that I latched onto quickly. He was the first positive strong male role model outside of my brother Bob. Jonny gave a shit, he truly did.  In a the massive shit show of my childhood he stepped in and made my world a better place to be. Jonny is the reason I am the man I am when it comes to being a father and family man. Jonny is the reason I ride motorcycles.  He took me on my first motorcycle ride in Arizona on a warm summer day when I was about 9 years old.  I will never forget it....never.  I was scared but felt completely secure with my arms around him on the back of that bike.  It was a Triumph Bonneville 750!  I will NEVER forget that amazing experience....never.  

I remember a storm with a flash flood in Casa Grande where I was scared to death.....we lived in a double wide mobile home and I can tell you this was a scary experience for a kid.  The noise and real fear of everything crashing in on us was not good. Jonnie was calm and cool through it all. It's how he was. I remember this most about him. Calm and cool and strong and caring. One of my sisters was cut by broken glass and he knew to use duct tape to stop the bleeding in that moment. A crazy scary situation, and my memory gives me a feeling of calmness due to how he reacted.

I remember having a home. A home that I could know we wouldn't have to move out from in the middle of the night.  A home where I don't remember struggling to have food in the kitchen and dinner on the table. A home where mom was there on a normal schedule. Mom was able to be a mom to us kids due to not having to work, or, work as much as she did when she was single.  We lived in two places in Arizona, one in Phoenix and one in Casa Grande.  Both of these places give me great memories. Stability and structure, something I desperately craved.

Jonny, on more than a few occasions, taught be between right and wrong.  He disciplined in a way that taught me how to know what was right and what was wrong.  I think of being ethical when I think of his parenting. I remember being grounded  for I am not sure what.  I remember distinctly, him sitting down with me, talking about the situation, and wanting me to understand the "why" of why I was in trouble.  He truly wanted me to be a good human, as was he. To that point in my life I never had that from anyone, let alone a male father figure.  

I know things weren't all pretty with Jonny. I know my brother and him did not get along at all. I believe Tina and Cheri liked him.  I DO remember, we took a family trip to Vegas. It started out great.....we got to go to Circus Circus as a family and that was fun.  But, I also remember that changing to us staying at a shitty motel because mom and Jonny had gambled all their money away.  So, the shit show was still around for sure in some ways. I was told, before Jonny's death you will hear about tomorrow, that Jonnny and mom weren't doing well as a couple.

Yes, you read that right, Jonny dies. Writing this part right now is bringing tears to my eyes.  His untimely death is what caused me to do like my brother Bob.....not give a shit about any "dad of the week" from that point on. 

Today I will close with impact. You never know the impact one person can leave on a person. Jonny was in my life for just a couple of years.  A couple of years in the shit show of my childhood. His positive impact is still with me to this day. 

More tomorrow. 

Mom's third or fourth wedding in photo to this point

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Our next Dad of the week