Recovery and life today

It really has been good overall writing every day this month.  It gives me time to reflect back on my life and see how the whole of my life has really brought me right to where I am today.  You have heard me say multiple times throughout, how fortunate I am. It's the truth really. I am fortunate to have had so many people along my life path to help me at multiple points. I am fortunate to have had access to a multitude of support systems throughout my life. Access to doctors, counselors, jobs, housing, an education, and many more resources that have lifted me out of the depths of despair into a new life full of hope and promise. It is with immense gratitude that I write my last blog for my month long blog posting during my anniversary month of being a person in recovery. 

Since the day I started as a graduate teaching assistant I have been teaching at CWU. I love teaching and mentoring students to achieve their educational goals. I started out as a part time, one class a quarter lecturer, and have been full time, and now a Senior Lecturer, since about 2014.  I get to participate as a college professor in the classroom, an advisor for the IT & Admin Management major, a faculty affiliate supporting athletes on the CWU softball team, in a leadership role as a member of the Executive Committee for Faculty Senate, and a myriad of other things I get to do on campus.  During my masters work I created a template for the university to use to support students in recovery. I have been asked to speak at multiple functions on a variety of topics and am called on to help in hiring of new personnel and to help create new classes and programs.  I always keep in the front of my mind the main reason I do all I do at CWU.....for the student.

I have two small businesses I love seeing grow and prosper, and, Katrina is realizing her dream of opening a preschool as I type this, which is our third new venture. Sunflower Preschool opens it's doors to the very first preschoolers who will walk in the doors.  Katrina and I, just like we do in our personal lives, support each other 100% in our professional endeavors.  Katrina has always supported me along the way.  As I started with Event Pathways just marrying couples, and over the years has turned into a complete wedding/event business, she always gives me sound advise when needed, and, massive encouragement.  Communication Pathways allows me to use my education and experience to provide education to many entities in the realm of substance use disorders and overall communication education.  

About three years ago Katrina mentioned wanting to go back to school to getting a teaching certificate.  At the time she had been with the City of Ellensburg running the Adult Activity Center, of which, she was amazing in her role.  Me, without skipping a beat, said, ok, let's do this! She enrolled in classes and about a year and half in we talked and I asked what grade she wanted to teach. She mentioned elementary, but, she said, her dream has always been to open a Preschool. I responded with "we are doing it, this IS going to happen". Alas, she left her near ten year career with the city on December 31st and the doors to Sunflower Preschool open this coming Monday.  

Katrina and I started dating when I was in my Master's program. To that point in time we had known each other for years. We met through mutual friends and had done many things together along the way.  Her and I supported each other through our individual life struggles and life successes throughout the time we were friends. Never once did we even entertain the thought of dating until 2012-13. Well, I should add, and she just told me this not to long ago......she knew.  She said she knew we would be married someday. 

For me, the idea of dating Katrina, at first, wasn't something I thought would be a good idea.  One, we had been friends for so long, and, I didn't want that friendship to go away.  I feared if we started dating that could change. The other was our age difference. We have a fourteen year age difference.  This was also a factor that was a struggle for me for a bit.  I remember the day Katrina said to me "you know, my mom and dad have near the same age difference (13 yrs)".  Huh, interesting I thought. It's almost like she knew what she was doing....Alas, we did start dating on May 26th, 2011.  I knew, just like she had known for much longer, that we would be serious and be married. 

I should add here, because I think of it just like you may be.  Here he goes again......and yes, you are right. Here I went again.  But, I can only tell you, I knew this relationship would be different than any other I had been in before. One, I had been doing a lot of work on myself. I was now ok with being with David.  In the prior few years I had been doing good work and no longer felt I HAD to have someone to be whole myself.  Two, and I think this was really good, both Katrina and I, we knew each other well.  We both knew each other from our years long friendship.  That friendship, to this day, almost ten years into our love affair, is stronger than ever. 

We started dating that May, and, I asked her to marry me in her parents home in front of her entire family on December 24th, 2011.  We married on September 29th, 2012. Together, in that time, we have built a relationship that is on solid ground. This is the first relationship/marriage where I haven't used my long time out of "maybe we should break up".  I would always have this as my out when things got tough.  Katrina and I have went through some tough things, but, both of us have always used our strength as a couple to walk through things and have never even broached the long held default of mine of separating;  It just hasn't happened.  She is the one for me forever. I use the hashtag #luckiestmanalive.........and, it is true. I am fortunate to have her in my world in so many ways, besides the fact that she puts up with me in a way that only she knows how.  

My son and I have a relationship today, that, much like my marriage to Katrina, is built on a solid foundation. When I returned to recovery in '07, along with Sarah, Tyler was not happy.  He was not in a place where he was ready to do the same.  He was, and I believe rightly so, angry at me for a while. His dad, who had started drinking and drugging with him, now left him out on his own. It would take a while, but Tyler did find his path to recovery.  He will celebrate seven years in May. Over the last several years he and I have learned effective ways to communicate with each other that no longer ends with yelling and long periods of no communication.  I love watching him navigate his life in all ways.  He has walked through personal struggles with a willingness to keep his head up and take in information from those in his circle of influence so he can improve his life for himself and his boys.  I can not express to you in words how proud I am to be his dad. 

I want to close this up with a message. This message is one of a bit of education, getting involved,  and most of all, hope.  

One, please keep in mind that everyones path to recovery is unique to them. One of the things that shifted my personal walk in recovery was doing research in the field of substance use disorders.  Personally, prior to doing any research in the field my own view on paths to recovery was limited. You only know what you know right?  My eyes were thrown wide open.  There are a multitude of ways one might find a life in recovery.  It might surprise you to hear that many people who have had significant issues, just quit.  They never see a treatment center, they never go to any support group meeting of any kind, and, they lead healthy and productive lives.  There are some people, some of whom are my friends and family, who used heavy drugs in their past, stopped, and may have a drink here and there. They lead healthy and productive lives. There are others who do go to treatment and follow paths you might see in what the movies have portrayed in recent years. Those people lead healthy and productive lives. The key with this is.....there is no one way to get to, or, stay in recovery. That ideology is a myth and must die.  

Two, there is hope. Just this month I trained officers in law enforcement in the arena of substance use disorders.  For law enforcement I fully understand how they might get jaded and believe some people will never find recovery. I have talked to countless families with a family member who struggles with addiction and they have lost hope and believe their loved one will never find recovery.  It is here where I want to dispel another myth.  It is a myth that someone has to hit rock bottom before they will change.  A complete myth.  I know many stories, and have friends and family, who did not have to hit rock bottom before they found a life in recovery.  That is a myth and also must die.  Certainly, myself and others, you might look at our story and go, well you sure did go pretty far down before you changed.  If you only look at certain points, that could be true. But, it is not always true.  Now, back to the message of hope.  Look at my life.  Look at all the good I have in my world.  Look at my son, look at all the good in his world. Look at Katrina, my wife, look at all the good in her world.  We are all in recovery, and I can tell you first hand for myself, I know many thought "he's not gonna make it".....but, guess what, here I am.   And, I am nobody special.  I am just a kid from the streets of Tacoma who, at multiple points along my journey, had people give a shit about me.  People who were able to see me as a human with issues that needed to be addressed so my life could improve.  And yes, issues that needed to be addressed multiple times.   

I need you to get involved.  If you are in recovery I need you to get involved in a big way. Get on a county board or committee, start a recovery program you find helpful for yourself and give to others, and, tell your story of hope to the world.  Now, I don't stand on the street corner with a bullhorn telling my story, but, I DO tell my story to the world when I can.  The more people, and I mean a lot people, not just people in recovery, that hear how you found a path to recovery, and, are an integral part of the community you live in, the better for our cause.  I want you to run for office if you have an interest. I follow state and federally elected people in recovery who are doing amazing things to reduce barriers to treatment and recovery resources so more lives can be saved.  Get involved in a way that you see can help others.  Tell your story of hope so those in leadership positions can see what recovery looks like. 

Don't ever give up hope. You just never know when the seed of hope you plant today, will take hold tomorrow, or the next day, or a year later.  Yesterday, and I love these messages, I received a message from a community member who I have had lots of contact over the last several years in regard to their son.  Many of these messages have been navigating active addiction. This one, well, all of the planting of seeds of hope by many people along this young mans journey have taken hold.  He is in recovery now, his life is improving.  I could feel the massive hope in the mom's message she sent me the latest update.  Hope is alive and well.  We just rolled out a program with the Ellensburg Police Department to help people they come in contact find a path to recovery.  In just the few months it has been in place it is working.  I had a young lady come up to me recently when she heard who I was and she said she was given the resource card we created for officers to give to people and, she said, she is in treatment locally, and is waiting to go to inpatient.  She had hope in her eyes.   I could go on and on about stories of hope, there are many. Hope is always there if you look for it. 

Recovery works, lives change.