I meet a man who would ramp up the shit show to a whole new level

 I am going to just start typing....I am going to tell you the story of how I was groomed by a man who knew his craft well. I never learned about the term "grooming" in the realm of sexual abuse until my thirties. Hell, I didn't tell a soul about my story in this arena until my late 20's or early 30's. I didn't really start my own healing from sexual abuse until counseling during my 30's. 

We had moved to Parkland when I was about 13. We lived in the house on L Street for probably a year.  When mom was in a marriage the moves were less, and not always due to evictions and running from domestic violence. Uncle Tom was a good one, never hurt mom in that way, so our living situation was more stable.  Dysfunctional for sure just with our family history and family dynamics.  I mean come on, mom married our Uncle Tom.  That was enough wasn't it?  

We moved to a trailer park on 138th in Parkland. It is still there to this day. I am pretty sure we had double wide. Those that know trailer park living, know having a double wide is kinda a big deal.  By this point Tina had married and moved out. Cheri had followed suit right after her. This all happened right in this time period; between the house on L Street and the trailer in Parkland.  My brother Bob was in his first marriage close to this time also.   

So, living in the trailer (and a camper trailer out back) were Tom and Mom, Kenny, Terry, Me, and, I remember Gerry (mom's ex, Tom's brother). He stilled lived with us for a period of time in this same area when we moved from the double wide to a bigger house across the street, but still right there on 138th street. I remember Grandma Turco lived right there in a little apartment across the street. Tom always worked, steadily; he retired from the shipyards in Bremerton.  I am thinking Mom might have worked here and there during this time. I do remember her being home much more often.  That was the living situation in a nut shell.

I was in 10th grade at Spanaway Lake High School....barely. I was only going to school to go to the smoking area (yes, we had these), find pot and start my day.  Kenny and I were not spending as much time together  during this time period. I had made a new friend at Spanaway Lake and he and I would meet at school in the morning, leave, and start drinking almost every morning. School was not my priority.  Just as I type this I am certain I didn't care much about anything except not feeling emotions.  I never grieved Jonny's death, it just didn't happen.

I was walking alone down 138th Street, as I did frequently, and this car pulls up beside me.  A man strikes up a conversation with me, he was very good at how he did this for not ever meeting me, a 14yr old kid walking down the street alone.  He was 39yrs old and he introduced himself, "Hey, I am Lyn, what's your name?"  He asked me if I wanted to earn some money mowing his lawn.  That question right there, is where it began. 

I was in from that point on. Yeah, I wanted to earn some money!  What 14 yr old kid with my situation wouldn't?  Add to that, the fact that a complete stranger, pulling up to me on the side of the road, didn't give me any real cause to not want to get in his car.  Look at my life and upbringing. We were never taught anything about these type of scenarios.  What's still oddly interesting is it was almost like Lyn Gilmore knew that. Like he had a radar for knowing which teenage boys to pick up off the side of the road and ask them "do you want to earn some money?"

I found myself in his car and on my way to his house.  He had a nice house, nicer than any house I had ever seen in my life. Not super fancy, but nice, well kept and you could tell he had done well for himself.  He immediately got to know me by asking questions, and, offering information about himself.  He also loved talking about his money and how he earned it himself. He was a deacon in his church.  I don't know for sure if it was that very first time in his house, or the second or third, but I remember the feeling I had inside when he touched me the first time. It was weird, it was comforting, and it caused me to be instantly confused. 

I had already started being sexually active with girls at this point....I haven't talked much about my own sexual activity, but, I had sex with a girl for the first time at 12 or 13.  I had no idea how to have a healthy sexual relationship with a girl. No idea. What I knew to that point was learned from the shitty experiences I had witnessed in my life to that point. None of it healthy.  Mom never had "the talk" with any of us.  Some of what I learned had been through seeing pornography as a little boy sharing a room with my big brother in Ocean Shores. My sketchy childhood memories are likely blocking some nasty shit. Again, I had no idea how to view sex in a healthy way. None.

Thus, my sexual activity with girls was unhealthy.  It's how I thought you gave and received love.  If a girl didn't want to have sex, well, she must not love me, thus I would break up, or cheat on her with a girl who would have sex with me. And, when the abuse with Lyn Gilmore began.....well, you can imagine how confusing it was when that all started. 

I remember, so many times, countless times, having talks with Lyn........me saying I didn't want to do the things he started doing with me. He would say the same shit again and again......."what two people do together is none of anyone else's business"...It fucked with my head.  He was 40 years old and I was 14. I never once wanted it to start. He was the master of manipulation.....he would say "well, doesn't it feel good when it happens?"  Now, when I type that out I say "fuck off you sick fuck".....of course it felt good.  

He was, in his weird manipulative ways, a male role model. He had success, he said he cared about me, oh, and the money........always the money. So, I DID do actual work for him.  I would wash his car and take care of his lawn.  Get ready for this........this was 1981.....He would pay me $20 to wash his car, even sometime $40......I was 14, I was drinking, smoking pot and cigarettes.  That was like gold for me.   And, he fucking knew it.  But, the money was always attached to the sex......always.   

I just remembered......we would have the talks, so many times.....I would say "I don't want to do that anymore, I just want to work".   He would say "ok, ok"........but yet, always start his shit again.....always.  He even used the hook that  I was the only one, it was special.  I remember showing up to his house unannounced and there was another kid there..........so much for it being special.

That was the beginning of a massive shift in my life and my views on my relationships with older males.  Massive. I hadn't had much success prior to Lyn. Jonny was the ONE man who was a strong and positive male role model.....he died.  Uncle Tom was a good man, but it was to late.  And than in swoops Lyn Gilmore.  

The shit show continues......