Perpetual "I am sorry" has to stop
It is common for people in recovery to have some apologies to make. Part of the recovery process includes repairing damaged family relationships, restitution to institutions, and the need to prove we have changed to a variety of people. While I 100% see the need to make these apologies, change behavior for the good, and repair damaged relationships, what I am also 100% against, is perpetual apologizing.
It was a habit for me......this apologizing. In my former life it really didn't mean anything when I would say I am sorry. It only meant I would be able to get out of that scenario and continue bulldozing my way through life. I didn't learn from my mistakes and didn't change underlying issues that caused the repetitive cycle to go on and on. This is all too common for many when addiction is raging.
Now, when we get into recovery, start doing the things needed to change our lives for the better, and learn to have a forward thinking mindset, we must change our habit of always apologizing. While I am specifically talking about this with people in recovery this can be an issue for other's as well. The habit of always saying "I am sorry" for every little thing. Additionally, what I think can be more debilitating is the perpetual "I am sorry" for things that you have already apologized for, likely, multiple times prior.
You have to change your brain...shift out of that knee jerk "I am sorry" if you are in the category of saying you are sorry for every little thing you do. In a lot of cases.....you haven't done anything wrong in the first place and there is nothing to apologize for; therefore, don't. On purpose, pay attention to how many times in a day you say those words. It is likely you will be able to see that it is not needed as much as you are saying it. Replace I am sorry with other phrases that are likely more appropriate for the situation. Phrases like "excuse me", "go ahead", or "your turn" might be more fitting. The key is to only use I am sorry when it is really needed. If you truly made a mistake, sure, I am sorry is fitting, but in all too many cases you will find it is not needed and other phrases will fit better.
For those that keep apologizing for things that happened years ago, and, you have already apologized for them, you might need to do some internal work on your view of the situation. You could still be holding on to your own feelings about the scenario that has nothing to do with the other person. Parents who keep apologizing to their children for things that happened years ago, or, vice versa, this should stop. It's not healthy and can actually damage the relationship.
Say I am sorry when necessary; yes. Make necessary change; absolutely. Don't repeat mistakes again and again so you must keep apologizing; for sure. But, don't habitually say "I am sorry". You are worth much more than having to feel the need to be in perpetual "I am sorry".
It was a habit for me......this apologizing. In my former life it really didn't mean anything when I would say I am sorry. It only meant I would be able to get out of that scenario and continue bulldozing my way through life. I didn't learn from my mistakes and didn't change underlying issues that caused the repetitive cycle to go on and on. This is all too common for many when addiction is raging.
Now, when we get into recovery, start doing the things needed to change our lives for the better, and learn to have a forward thinking mindset, we must change our habit of always apologizing. While I am specifically talking about this with people in recovery this can be an issue for other's as well. The habit of always saying "I am sorry" for every little thing. Additionally, what I think can be more debilitating is the perpetual "I am sorry" for things that you have already apologized for, likely, multiple times prior.
You have to change your brain...shift out of that knee jerk "I am sorry" if you are in the category of saying you are sorry for every little thing you do. In a lot of cases.....you haven't done anything wrong in the first place and there is nothing to apologize for; therefore, don't. On purpose, pay attention to how many times in a day you say those words. It is likely you will be able to see that it is not needed as much as you are saying it. Replace I am sorry with other phrases that are likely more appropriate for the situation. Phrases like "excuse me", "go ahead", or "your turn" might be more fitting. The key is to only use I am sorry when it is really needed. If you truly made a mistake, sure, I am sorry is fitting, but in all too many cases you will find it is not needed and other phrases will fit better.
For those that keep apologizing for things that happened years ago, and, you have already apologized for them, you might need to do some internal work on your view of the situation. You could still be holding on to your own feelings about the scenario that has nothing to do with the other person. Parents who keep apologizing to their children for things that happened years ago, or, vice versa, this should stop. It's not healthy and can actually damage the relationship.
Say I am sorry when necessary; yes. Make necessary change; absolutely. Don't repeat mistakes again and again so you must keep apologizing; for sure. But, don't habitually say "I am sorry". You are worth much more than having to feel the need to be in perpetual "I am sorry".
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