“They have to want it” is a myth

I see the meme that gets floated around, I hear people say it in the treatment arena, and I hear it from those in recovery; “No one gets sober unless they want to..." That statement is a myth and here is why:

First, we must stop living in absolutes in the arena of substance use disorders. Just like I speak loudly about all of us getting out of our silos of how one should get to and stay in recovery, I also always try to look at helping people from all angles and try to stay out of thinking that puts people in a narrow box. So, with the saying of "no one gets sober unless they want to" I want to talk about motivation to help you understand where I am coming from. 

I share with you a bit of my personal story and how when I first found recovery I did not want to quit drinking and using, but, I did.  I did this a few times. I quit everything, but, personally, did not have an internal desire to quit. I was externally motivated to be in recovery, and, it worked, I found a life in recovery. By being only externally motivated it helped get me to the point of being internally motivated to be in recovery. 

We have to understand human's behavior when talking about motivation. There are two types of motivation; extrinsic/external and intrinsic/internal. Everyone has both types of motivation to make change in their life.

Someone with an external desire to stop drinking and using drugs in many cases is not doing it because they want to, but, many people find their path through this type of motivation. I was an example of this and I know many others who were also. When I think about my early time period in recovery that was the primary motivator for why I was staying on a path of recovery.  I knew if I returned to use I wouldn't be able to hold a job (external), I knew if I returned to use I wouldn't have a place to live (external), I knew if I returned to use I would likely end up in jail (external).  All of these were external motivators that kept me from returning to drugs and alcohol, and, they worked. 

I can tell you with 100% certainty that I had little internal desire to never smoke pot again.  There was even part of me who had the thought maybe one day I would smoke crack again.  For sure, the internal desire to never drink again wasn't there. I was only externally motivated to not return to use.  I was NOT doing it for me. I was doing it for all of the above external motivators. 

Now, what happened? Because I was NOT internally motivated, because I did not want stay sober for myself, did I return to use?  Yes, I did. But, does that mean the blanket statement of "no one gets sober unless they want too..." holds true?  I argue it does not.  Follow me:

Because I had external motivators to return to recovery, because during those small snippets of time where I was able to start seeing the value of a life in recovery from some other angles (internal motivators), I was able to begin the shift from being externally motivated to being internally motivated. I remember well this time period and it wasn't while I was in active use that it happened. It was while I was in recovery, being externally motivated, that I started to change to the "no one gets sober unless they want to" mindset.  

It was while I was externally motivated that I started to see the value of recovery for my physical health (internal). It was while I was externally motivated that I started to see how I was staying out of jail and that have me a sense of internal peace knowing I was able to keep my freedom (internal).  It was while I was externally motivated to stay sober that I started to sleep better at night and that helped my mental state (internal).  This shift to being in recovery for me (internal), only happened while I was in recovery for external motivating factors. That's where the magic happened for me and I know many others.

It happened while I was IN recovery, not while I was in active addiction.  It happened when I was IN recovery with support from a variety of resources. It happened when I would have returns to use and I would have access to resources anyway.  It didn't happen because I was cut off from all resources simply because of narrow view that "no one gets sober unless they want to" And I am forever grateful this was the case for me and has happened for others. 

We CAN help someone find their path to a life in recovery even if they don't want it.  We CAN provide resources to people who might at first not want it for themselves. We CAN step out of the silos of the "one way or the highway" mantras that keep putting barriers up for those who need help.  We CAN continue to step outside of traditional ways of supporting people who need help.  We CAN support all types of recovery that include complete abstinence, harm reduction, medication assisted treatment, and others that may come into the arena that help people to improve their lives. 

We can look at recovery from a whole person vantage point. Has their life improved is what I always asked? Or, is their life improving?  Time is what it is and sometime's it takes more time for one than the other. We all have our unique set of life experiences that we bring to the table.  We should try our best to be open to all ways of thinking in the arena of treatment and recovery from substance use disorders.  When we truly do this I believe more lives will be saved.