The good with the bad, the great with the down right shitty
Life is an interesting journey for sure. I say I ride this mindset of being an optimist living in a pessimists mind. I decided several years ago now to stop chasing happiness as an end goal. I used to always be on the search for the perfect life scenario. That proved again and again to be an allusive goal to try to achieve.
I decided that if on any given day I can ride the middle ground, well, that was a good day. If in a given day I had snippets of good and of bad, and at the end of the day I still had a a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in, it probably was a good day. I decided that if I had a day filled with grief and sorrow, and at the end of the day I was given an opportunity to share what was rolling around in my head with a trusted friend, that day, while shitty, was an ok day. I decided if I had a day where I was able to soak in the sunshine while riding my motorcycle through the canyon and had great music playing all the way, well, that was a good day and I would soak it in while on the ride.
As I near my 55th birthday, crazy to think really, I am going to be 55, I have found my view on my life to have shifted over the last decade or so. For sure, given all we have all walked through over the last two years, even over the last several years really, with the pandemic, political polarization that has increased, conflicts in our own society between each of us that has widened our views and caused turmoil at many levels, given all of this and more, I have found myself taking each day as it comes.
In recovery we learn the skill of living in each day. I value greatly the mindset that today is really all I have. I can not control what happened yesterday, a week ago, and for sure a year ago. I can't predict what might happen tomorrow, next week, or a year from now. I can certainly use my past to make better decisions for my tomorrows, I can use my past to heal and move on, but, really, there's not much use for my past in my today's and tomorrows outside of that. I for sure set goals, plan my days and weeks ahead, and use the possibility of living in more tomorrows to make good decisions for myself in my todays, but, just like the past, with knowing tomorrow is not guaranteed, I am best doing the actual living, in my today's.
I wake each day and do the same routines. Get up, open all the blinds and curtains so the morning light will come in, and I head out the door for a morning walk. I do this to start each day anew. Each day gives me another opportunity to live to the fullest. For me, some days this means just doing what it in front of me in that moment, other days it can mean doing big thing to effect change for myself and others. The joy of waking each day is I get to choose which will happen.
Having lived a life where my choices were made for me, by others and the world of addiction I lived in, I truly cherish the life I have today. I am free today to choose my own course. And for that reality, I am grateful.
I give you this quote I frequently think of when I am thinking about each day I am given to live:
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