Will our boat sink or stay afloat?
Every system wants to achieve normality, or if I use a big fancy word, homeostasis. All systems are this way. In the field of family systems theory this holds very true. The family system will fight to achieve some sense of normal.
Even with what some outsiders might view as a crazy family scenario, that family system might be running smoothly as a system given its inputs and outputs. My family system growing up was just like that. I know outsiders looked at our family and thought "wow, that is crazy", and, really it was, it was crazy. But, it was our normal, it is what our system was used to, thus, any change toward normal, would create chaos and the system would fight to go back to the crazy that we knew to be normal.
Now, let's look at our society right now......a very large system. A massive system, but a system none the less. Our entire system is in massive flux.....massive. When I teach about family systems theory I give the analogy of a boat as a system to explain what happens when change hits a system.
A boat is designed to do what? Yes, it is designed to float. What happens when rough waters hit the boat? Some say it sinks....and it might if the waves are big enough and hit hard enough, but, at first it won't. That boat, the system, is designed to float. It will fight to stay afloat. I add in the example of a ski boat. What do ski boats have to address rough waves in the water? Trim! You can adjust the trim so the boat, the system, will glide across the water smoothly. You can tweak the system to adjust to the change. Ok, so there is your analogy. Let's apply it to your community right now, to your family right now, to our society right now.
Previous to the 2019 Novel Coronavirus entering our lives. All of our families, communities, and society at large were floating along in the water........we had homeostasis within our systems. We were floating along smoothly, whatever smooth was for our systems at that time, whatever our normal was just a month ago.
And then it started coming, the waters started getting rough........I remember it. The news reports started coming that the virus hit in China, and not to take too long after that I remember very well when we heard the first case hit Seattle. It was at that time that it hit the news and there has not been anything we have talked about since. ALL of our systems have been in rough waters since that time.
First, our school systems were hit with a massive wave.....school is out.....the next wave hit our work places, we started seeing workplaces shut down....work from home scenarios......another wave came after that with our state limiting event sizes...and this changed quickly 250, 50, 10, none at all. More waves were crashing against our boats with the cancellation of everything. All of these changes were coming so fast it was mind boggling just to keep up. And then we are told for the first time in our lives "stay home, stay safe"...........since then we have just been surviving in many ways......just trying to keep our boats floating.
Our systems are not anywhere near finding the trim on our boats to smooth out......to find normal. This is so far from normal our systems, in many ways, are still feeling like we are on the roughest waters we have ever experienced before in our lives. Normal isn't even close to being on the horizon.
I write all of that to say this.........it is now that I, you.....really we, need to have compassion and empathy for each other. I find myself riding a wave of emotions in any given 24hr period. I know you are experiencing the same. What I just wrote about is the why. All of our systems, in a very short period of time, have experienced massive change......just massive. Our systems haven't even had time to adjust to the changes. In each 24hr period we hear of another change. We don't even have time to adjust to the last change before another one hits us.
Be easy on yourself, be easy on your family, be easy on those in your community. Our boat is in rough waters and we are all just trying to keep our boat from sinking as best we can. I close with this. I know we will get through this. I will not waver from this belief. Our boat is not going to sink; we are not the Titanic. Our boat will float smoothly once again in time.
I love you all..........
Even with what some outsiders might view as a crazy family scenario, that family system might be running smoothly as a system given its inputs and outputs. My family system growing up was just like that. I know outsiders looked at our family and thought "wow, that is crazy", and, really it was, it was crazy. But, it was our normal, it is what our system was used to, thus, any change toward normal, would create chaos and the system would fight to go back to the crazy that we knew to be normal.
Now, let's look at our society right now......a very large system. A massive system, but a system none the less. Our entire system is in massive flux.....massive. When I teach about family systems theory I give the analogy of a boat as a system to explain what happens when change hits a system.
A boat is designed to do what? Yes, it is designed to float. What happens when rough waters hit the boat? Some say it sinks....and it might if the waves are big enough and hit hard enough, but, at first it won't. That boat, the system, is designed to float. It will fight to stay afloat. I add in the example of a ski boat. What do ski boats have to address rough waves in the water? Trim! You can adjust the trim so the boat, the system, will glide across the water smoothly. You can tweak the system to adjust to the change. Ok, so there is your analogy. Let's apply it to your community right now, to your family right now, to our society right now.
Previous to the 2019 Novel Coronavirus entering our lives. All of our families, communities, and society at large were floating along in the water........we had homeostasis within our systems. We were floating along smoothly, whatever smooth was for our systems at that time, whatever our normal was just a month ago.
And then it started coming, the waters started getting rough........I remember it. The news reports started coming that the virus hit in China, and not to take too long after that I remember very well when we heard the first case hit Seattle. It was at that time that it hit the news and there has not been anything we have talked about since. ALL of our systems have been in rough waters since that time.
First, our school systems were hit with a massive wave.....school is out.....the next wave hit our work places, we started seeing workplaces shut down....work from home scenarios......another wave came after that with our state limiting event sizes...and this changed quickly 250, 50, 10, none at all. More waves were crashing against our boats with the cancellation of everything. All of these changes were coming so fast it was mind boggling just to keep up. And then we are told for the first time in our lives "stay home, stay safe"...........since then we have just been surviving in many ways......just trying to keep our boats floating.
Our systems are not anywhere near finding the trim on our boats to smooth out......to find normal. This is so far from normal our systems, in many ways, are still feeling like we are on the roughest waters we have ever experienced before in our lives. Normal isn't even close to being on the horizon.
I write all of that to say this.........it is now that I, you.....really we, need to have compassion and empathy for each other. I find myself riding a wave of emotions in any given 24hr period. I know you are experiencing the same. What I just wrote about is the why. All of our systems, in a very short period of time, have experienced massive change......just massive. Our systems haven't even had time to adjust to the changes. In each 24hr period we hear of another change. We don't even have time to adjust to the last change before another one hits us.
Be easy on yourself, be easy on your family, be easy on those in your community. Our boat is in rough waters and we are all just trying to keep our boat from sinking as best we can. I close with this. I know we will get through this. I will not waver from this belief. Our boat is not going to sink; we are not the Titanic. Our boat will float smoothly once again in time.
I love you all..........
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