Recovery takes work....it takes a strong willingness to see the light amongst darkness
This month, on the 25th of March, I will celebrate 12 years of recovery. For 12 consecutive years I will have not consumed one drop of alcohol and zero amounts of any drugs. Nothing, zip, zilch, nada. That is pretty amazing to think, considering the reality of knowing I distinctly remember believing 100% that I couldn't attain 24hrs, let alone this massive amount of time. My history also includes a previous 10 year span of the same. Between 1996 and 2006 I was able to achieve the a ten year span of recovery. If you put those two together, in the last 23 years it is a lot of time in recovery.
Now, a simple reality check; it takes work. I truly am living in a dream world and there isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for all I have in my life. For a guy, who at 29, was on the streets, to where I am today at 51, with all I have in my world, yeah, it gives me great pause.
Yet, on a morning like this one, I struggle. I have come to terms with knowing I will likely always struggle in some ways. I spent years of my life in highly chaotic situations and environments. I have stories from my childhood and adult life that are stuff movies are made of and I wish upon no one. With that I have been treated for depression and anxiety along the way. I have enjoyed massive improvement in my mental health in this regard. Even with all of it though, I have mornings. Mornings where I just have a tough time getting right in my head. How do I deal with them? I have learned specific skills and habits to alleviate the negative side of my brain to get on a right footing to do my day when it starts out bad.
I walk, every day. Every day, no matter how I am feeling in my head, I walk. A morning walk with the girls, Daisy and Cheba. I will, if I am having a morning, say to myself, just walk. This habit has been in place for several years now. It helps me to get outside, even on the coldest of mornings like this one, and get out of my head. It's hard to stay in my head when my scenery changes. A crisp cold morning forces me to think about my breathing. I almost immediately will notice a change in my thinking with these walks. For me, as a person in recovery, who used to lay in bed after a crazy night littered with chaos, this habit does wonders to keep me far from that territory. It is almost magical.
Because I was not kind to my body for a lot of years, I have also come to terms with knowing some amount of physical pain will be a part of my life. I have been to doctors, physical therapy, and overall, have done what I can to see if there is anything that modern medicine can do to alleviate the back pain I carry with me. I exercise as regularly as I can stand. I walk several miles in each day, hike the ridge at least a couple times in a month, and, I run on a fairly regular basis. The most I choose to take medicinally is ibuprofen and tylenol. These are as needed and not in any crazy amounts. I value taking care of my physical self and see doctors when needed. I also believe in the power of thought and mindset in regard to the pain I carry. With all of it though, on some days, like these past several days, it can weigh on me. I get frustrated. What do I do with the pain? How do I manage it?
I stay active. I allow myself to rest when needed, but, I do get relief by staying active. I keep a balance with knowing what I can and can't do that will either alleviate the pain or, make it worse. I am also honest about it and don't try to hide the reality that by saying "yes" to certain physical activity knowing it will make my back pain worse. I talk about it to those whose opinion I trust. I AM my best advocate in this area. I educate myself and do the things I know that are best for me. With my doctors, I tell them I am in recovery. I have educated myself on holistic ways to take care of myself. I have found that by being my own best advocate, it has helped immensely in this area.
Moderate exercise, meditation, yoga, and keeping a positive mindset as much as possible, these are the things that help a lot. For me, as a person in recovery, I know they have helped steer me far from any return to use.
Being a person in recovery does take work. Recovery is something, for many, that takes a lot of effort in looking at things through a whole new lens. In the area of mental health issues, that many in early recovery struggle with, it takes a willingness to learn and listen. Learning about new ways of treating and coping with depression. I used to rely 100% on medication only. I used to lay in bed for days suffering in silence. In my early days, I had to be willing, even on the smallest levels, to reach out. It isn't easy, and there is no magic wand in this area. No one way is the right way. For this area, I believe it is multifaceted. I have been able to navigate a path with the help of professionals in the mental health arena, medical doctors, and by using holistic methods to find a way out of massive depression.
Just stopping the use of alcohol and drugs is hard; very hard. In the early days, it is all consuming. As the days get wrapped together the areas I described above start coming in. This is where the next level of work begins for people in recovery. It IS possible to do the work. I and thousands of others just like me are proof that it IS possible. Here I am today, with nearly twelve years, and, I still struggle at some level. The difference is, I have many tools that I use to manage the struggle on the tough days.
In closing is this right here.....journaling is very helpful. Just in the twenty minutes, I have done this writing, being real, I feel some relief. Journaling is a tool I was given at Olalla Treatment Center in 1994 and I have used it ever since. You don't have to do like I do, get all public about it. I have private journals that only I see. It can be very therapeutic and I would encourage you to try it for yourself. You are worth the time to take care of yourself.
Now, a simple reality check; it takes work. I truly am living in a dream world and there isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for all I have in my life. For a guy, who at 29, was on the streets, to where I am today at 51, with all I have in my world, yeah, it gives me great pause.
Yet, on a morning like this one, I struggle. I have come to terms with knowing I will likely always struggle in some ways. I spent years of my life in highly chaotic situations and environments. I have stories from my childhood and adult life that are stuff movies are made of and I wish upon no one. With that I have been treated for depression and anxiety along the way. I have enjoyed massive improvement in my mental health in this regard. Even with all of it though, I have mornings. Mornings where I just have a tough time getting right in my head. How do I deal with them? I have learned specific skills and habits to alleviate the negative side of my brain to get on a right footing to do my day when it starts out bad.
I walk, every day. Every day, no matter how I am feeling in my head, I walk. A morning walk with the girls, Daisy and Cheba. I will, if I am having a morning, say to myself, just walk. This habit has been in place for several years now. It helps me to get outside, even on the coldest of mornings like this one, and get out of my head. It's hard to stay in my head when my scenery changes. A crisp cold morning forces me to think about my breathing. I almost immediately will notice a change in my thinking with these walks. For me, as a person in recovery, who used to lay in bed after a crazy night littered with chaos, this habit does wonders to keep me far from that territory. It is almost magical.
Because I was not kind to my body for a lot of years, I have also come to terms with knowing some amount of physical pain will be a part of my life. I have been to doctors, physical therapy, and overall, have done what I can to see if there is anything that modern medicine can do to alleviate the back pain I carry with me. I exercise as regularly as I can stand. I walk several miles in each day, hike the ridge at least a couple times in a month, and, I run on a fairly regular basis. The most I choose to take medicinally is ibuprofen and tylenol. These are as needed and not in any crazy amounts. I value taking care of my physical self and see doctors when needed. I also believe in the power of thought and mindset in regard to the pain I carry. With all of it though, on some days, like these past several days, it can weigh on me. I get frustrated. What do I do with the pain? How do I manage it?
I stay active. I allow myself to rest when needed, but, I do get relief by staying active. I keep a balance with knowing what I can and can't do that will either alleviate the pain or, make it worse. I am also honest about it and don't try to hide the reality that by saying "yes" to certain physical activity knowing it will make my back pain worse. I talk about it to those whose opinion I trust. I AM my best advocate in this area. I educate myself and do the things I know that are best for me. With my doctors, I tell them I am in recovery. I have educated myself on holistic ways to take care of myself. I have found that by being my own best advocate, it has helped immensely in this area.
Moderate exercise, meditation, yoga, and keeping a positive mindset as much as possible, these are the things that help a lot. For me, as a person in recovery, I know they have helped steer me far from any return to use.
Being a person in recovery does take work. Recovery is something, for many, that takes a lot of effort in looking at things through a whole new lens. In the area of mental health issues, that many in early recovery struggle with, it takes a willingness to learn and listen. Learning about new ways of treating and coping with depression. I used to rely 100% on medication only. I used to lay in bed for days suffering in silence. In my early days, I had to be willing, even on the smallest levels, to reach out. It isn't easy, and there is no magic wand in this area. No one way is the right way. For this area, I believe it is multifaceted. I have been able to navigate a path with the help of professionals in the mental health arena, medical doctors, and by using holistic methods to find a way out of massive depression.
Just stopping the use of alcohol and drugs is hard; very hard. In the early days, it is all consuming. As the days get wrapped together the areas I described above start coming in. This is where the next level of work begins for people in recovery. It IS possible to do the work. I and thousands of others just like me are proof that it IS possible. Here I am today, with nearly twelve years, and, I still struggle at some level. The difference is, I have many tools that I use to manage the struggle on the tough days.
In closing is this right here.....journaling is very helpful. Just in the twenty minutes, I have done this writing, being real, I feel some relief. Journaling is a tool I was given at Olalla Treatment Center in 1994 and I have used it ever since. You don't have to do like I do, get all public about it. I have private journals that only I see. It can be very therapeutic and I would encourage you to try it for yourself. You are worth the time to take care of yourself.
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