From a life of constant crisis to a life of stability
This week has been one where I am eternally grateful for the skills I have learned as a person in recovery in the area of making decisions to ensure I am not living a life of constant crisis.
For anyone who has experienced a life of active addiction they know well the life I term as being in constant crisis. I lived this life. This life is one where everyday I was in constant fear or worry about a multitude of different things, situations, and scenarios. It could have been not remembering what I did the night before, and, bits and pieces of it coming to my mind as the day wore on. It might have been the constant financial worry as I stacked on more debt and did little to nothing about the debt I carried with me. The crisis of the day could easily have been how I was going to get my next high; this, for a person in active use, is everyday.
For a person with a substance use disorder, the above paragraph is a very small snippet of living a life in constant crisis. Other areas, family, legal, job, or, lack of job, are ones that are constantly a part of the mix. I didn't even mention the issues surrounding physical and mental health that play into it all while living a life of constant crisis.
Decision making skills during this time are not good. The ability to think coherently due to many factors, are minimal at best. Just the reality of the mind being in a constant stressed state, weighs heavily on what decisions I would make at any given moment during my life of constant crisis. Let's just say decision after decision, during a life of constant crisis, would most normally only add fuel to the already large burning fire.
The beautiful thing about access to resources...treatment, counseling, medical and mental health professionals, is I was able to learn pretty quickly, how to start the shift from a life of constant crisis, to, a life of stability. Learning basic skills on how to quiet my mind have been invaluable. And yes, of course, discontinuing the use of drugs and alcohol was a major factor, there is no discounting that reality. But, immediately after quitting drugs and alcohol I NEEDED skills on how to manage the still raging chaos around me.
I was fortunate to have access to mental health professionals who helped me navigate into a world of calm among the storm. Being introduced to journaling, meditation, and specific skills to shift my thinking were all powerful early on, and, to this day massively helpful in my everyday life. Access to medical professionals to address my physical needs helped to calm the chaos a lot. Just by addressing what might seem small needs in this area went along way in quieting my mind.
Learning how to manage a massive financial debt burden was immensely helpful. Basic budgeting, communication with debtors, access to jobs to pay down debt, all of it, helped in big ways in my early days in recovery to see a light at the end of the long tunnel of my financial situation. Having access to resources to learn ways to get to financial health was massive.
Communication skills to help me in my working and personal world help me to this very day. Knowing effective ways to communicate in the different areas of my life in skilled ways helped me a lot early on, and to this very day. Having mentors in the professional world to help guide me from using communication that worked on the streets, to, being able to communicate in the business world and has helped elevate me from entry level jobs to advanced career paths. Learning how to communicate effectively with family, knowing when to set healthy boundaries with friends, and, being able to express my thoughts and feelings with everyone in my world, well, I can tell you, it has been monumental in transitioning me to a life of stability.
I have learned, and I think really important, that life is not always going to be pretty. Life is going to be tough along the way. Having that understanding, and the skills to be fully present when life is good and bad, well, that is truly the magic in it all. I am not perfect, I screw it up sometimes, but, now in my life, the times I screw it up, well they pale in comparison to when I lived a life of constant crisis.
I choose to no longer go from crisis to crisis, burning down bridge after bridge. That's not for me anymore. I get to enjoy a strong life of stability as a person in long term recovery. It's a beautiful thing really. Even in weeks like this one, where I have to make really hard decisions to not take on something I REALLY want to take on, life is amazing.
I am dog guy. I am also a lover of the German Shepherd breed. Up for adoption is a gorgeous and ready to go to the next level, German Shepherd. I want, so bad, to take him on. I want to bring him home and bring him to the next level. But, guess what, it wouldn't be the right decision. It wouldn't right for Cheba, my current 11.5 yr old German Shepherd. It wouldn't be in line with my current goals I have set for myself right now. It would create chaos in a way that would fly in the face of everything I just described for my life I have now. This is the difference in my life now, a life of stability, to the one I used to live, a live of chaos.
Before I would have taken it on and not thought it through at all. Today, I am thinking these important decisions through. What might seem one small decision isn't really so. If I were to make these type of chaotic, not well thought through decisions, they would add up. They could easily lead me down a road that I CHOOSE to not go down anymore. That's the beauty of it all in the end. Today I have choice in my decisions. Today I have choice in my life. I choose to not give that up.
For anyone who has experienced a life of active addiction they know well the life I term as being in constant crisis. I lived this life. This life is one where everyday I was in constant fear or worry about a multitude of different things, situations, and scenarios. It could have been not remembering what I did the night before, and, bits and pieces of it coming to my mind as the day wore on. It might have been the constant financial worry as I stacked on more debt and did little to nothing about the debt I carried with me. The crisis of the day could easily have been how I was going to get my next high; this, for a person in active use, is everyday.
For a person with a substance use disorder, the above paragraph is a very small snippet of living a life in constant crisis. Other areas, family, legal, job, or, lack of job, are ones that are constantly a part of the mix. I didn't even mention the issues surrounding physical and mental health that play into it all while living a life of constant crisis.
Decision making skills during this time are not good. The ability to think coherently due to many factors, are minimal at best. Just the reality of the mind being in a constant stressed state, weighs heavily on what decisions I would make at any given moment during my life of constant crisis. Let's just say decision after decision, during a life of constant crisis, would most normally only add fuel to the already large burning fire.
The beautiful thing about access to resources...treatment, counseling, medical and mental health professionals, is I was able to learn pretty quickly, how to start the shift from a life of constant crisis, to, a life of stability. Learning basic skills on how to quiet my mind have been invaluable. And yes, of course, discontinuing the use of drugs and alcohol was a major factor, there is no discounting that reality. But, immediately after quitting drugs and alcohol I NEEDED skills on how to manage the still raging chaos around me.
I was fortunate to have access to mental health professionals who helped me navigate into a world of calm among the storm. Being introduced to journaling, meditation, and specific skills to shift my thinking were all powerful early on, and, to this day massively helpful in my everyday life. Access to medical professionals to address my physical needs helped to calm the chaos a lot. Just by addressing what might seem small needs in this area went along way in quieting my mind.
Learning how to manage a massive financial debt burden was immensely helpful. Basic budgeting, communication with debtors, access to jobs to pay down debt, all of it, helped in big ways in my early days in recovery to see a light at the end of the long tunnel of my financial situation. Having access to resources to learn ways to get to financial health was massive.
Communication skills to help me in my working and personal world help me to this very day. Knowing effective ways to communicate in the different areas of my life in skilled ways helped me a lot early on, and to this very day. Having mentors in the professional world to help guide me from using communication that worked on the streets, to, being able to communicate in the business world and has helped elevate me from entry level jobs to advanced career paths. Learning how to communicate effectively with family, knowing when to set healthy boundaries with friends, and, being able to express my thoughts and feelings with everyone in my world, well, I can tell you, it has been monumental in transitioning me to a life of stability.
I have learned, and I think really important, that life is not always going to be pretty. Life is going to be tough along the way. Having that understanding, and the skills to be fully present when life is good and bad, well, that is truly the magic in it all. I am not perfect, I screw it up sometimes, but, now in my life, the times I screw it up, well they pale in comparison to when I lived a life of constant crisis.
I choose to no longer go from crisis to crisis, burning down bridge after bridge. That's not for me anymore. I get to enjoy a strong life of stability as a person in long term recovery. It's a beautiful thing really. Even in weeks like this one, where I have to make really hard decisions to not take on something I REALLY want to take on, life is amazing.
I am dog guy. I am also a lover of the German Shepherd breed. Up for adoption is a gorgeous and ready to go to the next level, German Shepherd. I want, so bad, to take him on. I want to bring him home and bring him to the next level. But, guess what, it wouldn't be the right decision. It wouldn't right for Cheba, my current 11.5 yr old German Shepherd. It wouldn't be in line with my current goals I have set for myself right now. It would create chaos in a way that would fly in the face of everything I just described for my life I have now. This is the difference in my life now, a life of stability, to the one I used to live, a live of chaos.
Before I would have taken it on and not thought it through at all. Today, I am thinking these important decisions through. What might seem one small decision isn't really so. If I were to make these type of chaotic, not well thought through decisions, they would add up. They could easily lead me down a road that I CHOOSE to not go down anymore. That's the beauty of it all in the end. Today I have choice in my decisions. Today I have choice in my life. I choose to not give that up.
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