No child ever grows up wanting to be addicted

March is my anniversary month. On March 25th I will enjoy 16 years without drugs or alcohol in my body. I frequently say this:  Everything I have in my life that is good and everything that is tough that I am able to walk through and come out the other side still standing is because of my life in recovery from a substance use disorder.  I live a fortunate life in so many ways and I am forever grateful.

When I give lectures on the topic of substance use disorders I will show the picture you see here. It is from my childhood on a Christmas morning when I got my Tonka truck. I remember that truck well. I loved it. It was that Tonka truck that knocked my to front teeth out when I was having a blast pushing it around. I was just a kid and honestly don't remember any of the pain of knocking my teeth out with the truck, I only remember how much I loved having it. 

I say to people while showing this picture of me with that big smile on my face that no child ever grows up saying "one day I want to become addicted to drugs", or, "one day I want to be an alcoholic", or, "one day I want to do drugs and drink to levels that cause me to commit crimes and go to jail".  None of those words, or even thoughts, enter a child's mind. 

I lived a crazy childhood. When I say crazy, I mean wildly crazy and not in a good way. My siblings and I have stories of our childhood that would make your skin crawl.  The situations we were put in, abuse at the hands of the adults in the room, and the many other crazy things you wouldn't want for any child. Yet, even with that I never remember once saying to myself that I wanted to grow up and one day become addicted to drugs or alcohol. 

Sure, I was seeing things that certainly pushed me in that direction. I was being taught behaviors that certainly helped me want to drink and use drugs to numb the pain inside my heart. Yes, there were things that were happening in my environment that weren't helpful at all.  But, the reality is as a kid I never once said to myself "yeah, I want to grow up and really screw up my life with drugs and alcohol."  It just didn't happen. 

I say that when I give lectures to help people to have some understanding of ones life path. To try to have some understanding that all humans are worthy of a better life.  To help people see that when you pull the curtain back on one's life you might see some things that will give you some sympathy for the "why" of someone's life being where it it today.  

I am fortunate that I have people in my life, who even in my worst days. were able to see beyond moments in time and believe in me when I wasn't able to believe in myself.  I am fortunate to have had access to systems of care that were willing to give me the tools needed to turn my life around. I am fortunate to have access to resources that have helped me build an amazing life in recovery.

That little boy with that big smile on Christmas day has been able to capture a life that gives him a full and amazing life today as a 55 year old man. 

Recovery works, lives change