Happy 80th Mom!

Mom!  You would have been 80 today!! First, you are missed, your memory is alive and well, and you are loved.  I remember the main overriding thing you wanted us to know is that you loved us. We know mom, we know. 

Just as you would have liked to do, we are going to Mansfield today to see Uncle Gary on your shared birthday. He doesn't know it, it's a surprise.  Well, I guess he might know it if he reads this before we get there this morning.  Aunt Lois said he's going fishing this morning so I think we are safe.  She is worried he won't be back before we get there.  I told her not to worry, it will make the surprise even better if he shows up back home and we are already there. 

I am bringing my change jar so we can play 31. It is during this time where we will give each other a whole bunch of crap, we will hear Uncle Gary tell the stories, and, we will talk about your memory. I will see and hear how Uncle Gary misses his twin sister. I can see it in his face when he talks about you. The knowing he can't see you anymore, the knowing he can't call you on the phone, it is all there. He will get a chuckle out of you saying that you beat him to death even though he beat you to birth. We will all laugh, we will all pause in our thoughts to remember you, we will all laugh and enjoy our time with each other and know it's exactly how you would want it.

You did good mom. I write about our crazy childhood and while I certainly think at times, "what was mom thinking?" with all of the chaos, I never love you any less. I know, through hearing from you when you were alive, from hearing from my siblings, and, from a knowing in my heart you strive for one thing above all others; happiness for your children. I can look back now and feel sympathy for your plight as a young mom with four kids who was not given a fair hand in life. I can easily look back now and remember our relationship over the years and have immense gratitude for the time we had together. 

I cherish our last decade together with you living in the Eburg. You being just mile away and Katrina and I having our Saturday morning visits. Me finally getting my very own cookie jar with my name on it.  Your calls to me saying you just baked cookies and they are in my jar. Our regular calls that always started out the same......Mom!, Yes son? and than we would chat. I cherish these memories and so many more. I still have voice mails and videos I view to hear and see you.  They make me smile, they make me cry, they do exactly what there are intended to do, they keep your memory alive.

Katrina has carnations in the kitchen this morning.  We are bringing them to Uncle Gary today. I can't wait to hear what he says about us bringing him your flowers. It's sure to make me laugh. It's sure to make me cry. It's sure to keep your memory alive.

Love you mama.