Perseverance, tenacity, grit......
We hear a lot about the need for having the ability to keep moving forward. In recent months I have been tested in this area a lot. Without the skills of perseverance, tenacity, and grit, I could not have made it through.......just could not have done it.
The main factor in my boundaries between pushed to the end was losing my mother earlier this month. There is no life preparation for the things that took place. From hearing the words from the doctor in the hospital.......there's nothing more medically we can do for mom........to hearing the words for the first time for mom.....hospice care.
The following several weeks were all encompassing of every emotion, every last one of them. There were fun experiences sharing family stories, gathering of 27 of us in moms tiny living room, to massive tears shed at each point where we thought certain days were going to be moms last day. All the way to the day, the last day mom was on this earth.
Mom was able to see nearly every family member until she passed. She was able to make peace with the world around her, she was able to tell everyone how much she loved them, and, be cared for every step of the way by family. Looking back, I know we did exactly what she wanted, until her last day on this earth, mom was at home and cared for by family.
Through this process I wasn't able to focus on much else. I would try, but it was tough. I did keep my routines that keep me solid as a person in long term recovery from a substance use disorder and a person living on earth. I got up, every day, and made my bed. I went on the same walk I go on, every day, with the girls, Daisy and Cheba. I ensured, every day, that I did what I needed to do, to keep my bearings. Eating, resting, putting one foot in front of the other and taking each day as it came.
There were days I lost it. I got angry at those around me on multiple occasion because I felt they weren't caring for mom just so. They weren't doing things like I believed things should have been done. My wife was directly in front of these times the most. And I have to tell you, she was nothing short of steadfast. Katrina was my rock during this time period. She, with her own life stuff in front of her with us losing mom, she never wavered. We cried together, got angry together, laughed together; we helped each other. My sister Cheri, I would let out my frustrations with her also. She, with all of her own life stuff, and, doing all she did to care for mom. The same with her and I, as with Katrina and I, we would cry together, get frustrated together, laugh together....cared for mom together.
I believe perseverance, tenacity, and grit, the three of them wrapped together, come through life's most troubling times. We, through supporting each other, through not letting each other go through things alone, through getting through conflict together, through being able to have a shared goal, this is how we develop these three traits; perseverance, tenacity, and grit.
The world, for me, is never going to be one bright and shiny space. It just isn't. Yes, I love to enjoy life's finest hours when they are here. Yes, I would prefer to have things go smoothly when possible. I also am best to know life isn't always going to go how I want it too. Having this realization has helped me get through the hard stuff.
Walking directly through losing my mom, from being with her at the hospital hearing the end is near, to being one of her primary caregivers while her end inched closer and closer, to being at her side when the end arrived; these experiences, while hard and painful, are what make me who I am in the world. It can't be mimicked are made up, it's as real as it gets.
The main factor in my boundaries between pushed to the end was losing my mother earlier this month. There is no life preparation for the things that took place. From hearing the words from the doctor in the hospital.......there's nothing more medically we can do for mom........to hearing the words for the first time for mom.....hospice care.
The following several weeks were all encompassing of every emotion, every last one of them. There were fun experiences sharing family stories, gathering of 27 of us in moms tiny living room, to massive tears shed at each point where we thought certain days were going to be moms last day. All the way to the day, the last day mom was on this earth.
Mom was able to see nearly every family member until she passed. She was able to make peace with the world around her, she was able to tell everyone how much she loved them, and, be cared for every step of the way by family. Looking back, I know we did exactly what she wanted, until her last day on this earth, mom was at home and cared for by family.
Through this process I wasn't able to focus on much else. I would try, but it was tough. I did keep my routines that keep me solid as a person in long term recovery from a substance use disorder and a person living on earth. I got up, every day, and made my bed. I went on the same walk I go on, every day, with the girls, Daisy and Cheba. I ensured, every day, that I did what I needed to do, to keep my bearings. Eating, resting, putting one foot in front of the other and taking each day as it came.
There were days I lost it. I got angry at those around me on multiple occasion because I felt they weren't caring for mom just so. They weren't doing things like I believed things should have been done. My wife was directly in front of these times the most. And I have to tell you, she was nothing short of steadfast. Katrina was my rock during this time period. She, with her own life stuff in front of her with us losing mom, she never wavered. We cried together, got angry together, laughed together; we helped each other. My sister Cheri, I would let out my frustrations with her also. She, with all of her own life stuff, and, doing all she did to care for mom. The same with her and I, as with Katrina and I, we would cry together, get frustrated together, laugh together....cared for mom together.
I believe perseverance, tenacity, and grit, the three of them wrapped together, come through life's most troubling times. We, through supporting each other, through not letting each other go through things alone, through getting through conflict together, through being able to have a shared goal, this is how we develop these three traits; perseverance, tenacity, and grit.
The world, for me, is never going to be one bright and shiny space. It just isn't. Yes, I love to enjoy life's finest hours when they are here. Yes, I would prefer to have things go smoothly when possible. I also am best to know life isn't always going to go how I want it too. Having this realization has helped me get through the hard stuff.
Walking directly through losing my mom, from being with her at the hospital hearing the end is near, to being one of her primary caregivers while her end inched closer and closer, to being at her side when the end arrived; these experiences, while hard and painful, are what make me who I am in the world. It can't be mimicked are made up, it's as real as it gets.
All,I can say is
ReplyDeleteI love you David.
You are a gifted writer.
Real and honest..❤