02/21/1996 is still a positive date in my life as a person in recovery

On this day 23 years ago, I entered into a life as a person in recovery from a substance use disorder for yet another attempt at discontinuing use of drugs and alcohol.  I would go to inpatient treatment for a second time, and, I would begin to change my relationship with drugs and alcohol.

I remember, prior to 02/21/1996 I had made other attempts at gaining recovery from drug and alcohol use.  I had been able to discontinue use for about a five month period in 1994 after going to inpatient treatment. 

Prior to that period, and prior to any sort of treatment, counseling, support from friends/family, any involvement of physicians, use of exercise and positive hobbies, I had also made many attempts at discontinuing the use of drugs and alcohol.   Each of these were short in their duration.   As short as a day, and as long as a couple weeks.   Many attempts, many.

All, and I mean all, attempts were successful in their own unique ways.   Every time a seed was planted through one crisis or another, I started thinking differently.    Every time I said myself, or someone else said for me, that I needed to look at my use of drugs and alcohol, these were each positive movements toward where I stand today as a person in long term recovery.    All, and I mean all, attempts toward a change in behavior and thinking about my relationship with drugs and alcohol have been successful.

The date of 02/21/1996 was key due to my access to treatment, and many recovery supports afterward.  I had access to health care, educational opportunities, job opportunities, housing,  counseling.....I had access in ways that I never had previously.  Whether real, or admittedly in some respects, in my way of thinking, I had access to resources. 

For the first time in my life I was able to start looking into the past and start healing wounds that had long been festering.  For the first time in my life I was in place where I was able to use the support and resources in front of me to start a shift in my life.    Some of the same people who had been saying the same things for a while, well, I was able to start hearing them.     There were new people and new places I encountered that started shifting me down this new path of life where I felt a sense of hope, in many respects, for the first time ever. 

In was in the years after 02/21/1996 that I began to address the sexual abuse I had endured years prior.   It was in the years after that date that I was given opportunities to go into a nearly ten year career in management with Fred Meyer because key people were willing to look beyond my past.    It was in the years after 02/21/1996 that I would truly start looking at myself in ways that were scary to even glimpse at before, but, this time period was one where I made a transformation.

The date of 02/21/1996 will always be a date I look at with a smile on my face, yet, it is not my current date I use as my anniversary date.  The date I use is 03/25/07.

In the fall of 2006 I ran into life.    I ran into life with stressors and situations that I struggled with a lot.   I was facing situations in my marriage, my business, and than with my dog Kodi, that overwhelmed me in ways I hadn't encountered in a long time.

I was engaged with a strong support system at the time of all of this.   At this time in my life I was seeing a counselor, was going to support group meetings, and I was talking to people everyday about the issues I was facing.   I made the decision to return to use of drugs and alcohol that fall.     For me, it lead me quickly back to roads I had never wanted to be on again.   

The beauty of this though, is it didn't last long.    Because I had all of the time as a person in recovery prior, and a knowing of what I needed to do to get back to recovery, I was able to stop the train before it crashed for good.   I was able to get back to a life in recovery beginning a couple of months after I returned to use.

It was a process, with multiple attempts to stop use.  I started stopping again in December.   While it would take until March 25, 2007 for it to stick, all of the attempts were successful.   Each attempt pushed me toward where I stand today.   

In the last near 12 twelve years since that time period, I have evolved and grown in ways I could never have imagined.  I have done this by looking at life in different ways.   I have done this by opening up my heart and mind to different ways of thinking about being a person in recovery and a human living on earth.

I will never look at this date, February 21, as being a date I gave up.  I will always look at it as a date that is a part of my whole life, a whole part of my entire process.    I know, and I tell others this, each attempt at a life in recovery, no matter how short or long, is a success.   


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