You are my mother.....always
We start our phone calls the same every time........I call, you answer, and I say "Mom!", and you reply "son?" We then chat about whatever the call was for, or just catch up on the days we missed without talking to or seeing each other. While the greeting is a simple exchange of two words between mother and son, it is really much more than that in many ways.
See, the thing is, you are my Mom. You are the one, who, with four kids in the late 60's, 70's and into the mid 80's, raised us to be the amazing four adults we all are today. You raised us, nearly all of that time, on your own. With little to no support from our fathers, you never wavered. You worked one, two, or at times three jobs to support us. Yes, we grew up poor. Yes, we moved a lot. Yes, that was not fun for a kid. But the reality is, you were doing the best with what you had in front of you. What we did always have......a roof over our head, a clean home and food. Was it what I know you always wanted for us in every way, no. I can't imagine the trauma you experienced as a young mother....seriously, I can't imagine. You always did everything you could to provide for us.
I know we only know a small portion of the hell you have been through in your life with our fathers when we were young. Like any mother, you wanted a family. You wanted us to have a relationship with our fathers. But, they, due to their own choices, made it impossible to happen for any length of time. This was a time period where getting help from abusive men didn't happen. This was a time when women who made the right decision, and left abusive men, were frowned upon by society at large. You likely suffered a huge stigma for doing exactly what you should have been doing.....leaving them and keeping us far away from them.
I remember well when I began my journey gaining an education in family systems, and, engaging with a counselor, when my eyes were opened wide. My view on what I thought about you changed dramatically. I had been angry for many years. I blamed you for where I ended up in my own life as an adult. The beauty of this process is that changed through my own healing process. I say to this day, and I stand behind it 100%, you were doing the best you knew how given your circumstances at the time. When I came to that realization, I was able to write you the letter I gave you in 1996 that released all my anger; I forgave you for it all. From that point forward I was able to see you as human.
Since you moved to Ellensburg you and I have become closer than ever before. I remember the day you and John were married in our living room. I could tell that you had finally found what you had been searching for your whole life. A man to share your life with. Since that time you have been able to truly live life with someone who loves you and cares about you like no other. Having you less than a mile away from our home has been a great experience. Through the last several years you and I have shared life experiences I will cherish for ever.
Seeing the relationship you and Katrina have warms my heart like never before. You two have a strong love for each other. See, like you, I finally found the one for me. And the beauty of that is we have been able to share that experience with each other. Those are the memories I will always cherish mom.
I will always cherish our phone calls. I will always cherish our Saturday morning visits. I will always cherish our families wit and humor. It's like no other.
I love you mother.
See, the thing is, you are my Mom. You are the one, who, with four kids in the late 60's, 70's and into the mid 80's, raised us to be the amazing four adults we all are today. You raised us, nearly all of that time, on your own. With little to no support from our fathers, you never wavered. You worked one, two, or at times three jobs to support us. Yes, we grew up poor. Yes, we moved a lot. Yes, that was not fun for a kid. But the reality is, you were doing the best with what you had in front of you. What we did always have......a roof over our head, a clean home and food. Was it what I know you always wanted for us in every way, no. I can't imagine the trauma you experienced as a young mother....seriously, I can't imagine. You always did everything you could to provide for us.
I know we only know a small portion of the hell you have been through in your life with our fathers when we were young. Like any mother, you wanted a family. You wanted us to have a relationship with our fathers. But, they, due to their own choices, made it impossible to happen for any length of time. This was a time period where getting help from abusive men didn't happen. This was a time when women who made the right decision, and left abusive men, were frowned upon by society at large. You likely suffered a huge stigma for doing exactly what you should have been doing.....leaving them and keeping us far away from them.
I remember well when I began my journey gaining an education in family systems, and, engaging with a counselor, when my eyes were opened wide. My view on what I thought about you changed dramatically. I had been angry for many years. I blamed you for where I ended up in my own life as an adult. The beauty of this process is that changed through my own healing process. I say to this day, and I stand behind it 100%, you were doing the best you knew how given your circumstances at the time. When I came to that realization, I was able to write you the letter I gave you in 1996 that released all my anger; I forgave you for it all. From that point forward I was able to see you as human.
Since you moved to Ellensburg you and I have become closer than ever before. I remember the day you and John were married in our living room. I could tell that you had finally found what you had been searching for your whole life. A man to share your life with. Since that time you have been able to truly live life with someone who loves you and cares about you like no other. Having you less than a mile away from our home has been a great experience. Through the last several years you and I have shared life experiences I will cherish for ever.
Seeing the relationship you and Katrina have warms my heart like never before. You two have a strong love for each other. See, like you, I finally found the one for me. And the beauty of that is we have been able to share that experience with each other. Those are the memories I will always cherish mom.
I will always cherish our phone calls. I will always cherish our Saturday morning visits. I will always cherish our families wit and humor. It's like no other.
I love you mother.
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