Being a person in long term recovery

I enjoy being a person in recovery.   Today is my recovery anniversary date.   9yrs ago is when I put down all alcohol and drugs for good.    It has been an amazing 9yrs for sure. 

In the last 9yrs I have changed a lot of my perspectives about the topics of chemical dependency treatment, and recovery.    Through educating myself, doing research, and keeping abreast of current trends in the field, I have a new lense through which I look.   I have been in and around all things related to the areas described since 1993.    

My first venture into treatment was in 1993 after selling nearly all personal possessions, losing my job, and alienating family and friends, due to the use of crack cocaine.  That very first treatment episode was the very first time in my life that I really started looking at my life as a whole.  It was in '93 that I was first introduced to intensive counseling that included family of origin work and the twelve step model of treatment.   I remember thinking at the time how fascinating the family of origin work was in changing how I thought about my actions to that date.   The introduction to the twelve step programs was something that was also very interesting.   

After that first episode of treatment I fully understood that I needed to stop using heavy drugs.   I truly understood that I need not return to using crack cocaine.   I didn't have full buy in to not drinking or smoking pot.  Additionally, after that first treatment episode I had so many thoughts and feelings about my past, from childhood through being a young adult.   It wasn't to long after that first treatment episode that I returned to drinking and smoking pot.  This was in 1993-94 ish and the meth craze was in full force in Pierce County.    I ended up on the losing end of that whole scene.    I started using meth and at the end of about a two year period I was sitting in a jail cell in disbelief of what I had become.  By that time, about winter of 1995 I was now a convicted felon facing multiple felony charges.   I was truly scared to go to prison for a very long time.

Through my sister bailing me out of jail I was able to put into motion actions to not have to go to prison.   I did what I had to do to get back into treatment.  I remembered the positive aspects of the treatment and how I felt leaving the first time.  I ended up back in the same treatment center in Jan/Feb 1996.   This time I listened to EVERYTHING I was being told and taught.  I was ready to be a full participant in whatever I was told.    When I left there I was ALL IN.   I went to inpatient treatment for a total of about 4 months.   Intensive inpatient, and then another few months in a setting that allowed me a little freedom as I progressed in the treatment there.    

I was going to AA meetings near daily, I did the whole twelve step program.  I got a sponsor, a home group, and starting doing service work.    Additionally, I started school at Pierce College and was working full time to be financially responsible and able to support myself and my son.   The years from 96-00 were filled with a lot of life rebuilding.  I ended up in a career in retail loss prevention management that was a great time in my life.   I was active in my sons life through seeing him regularly, volunteering at his schools, and being a financially responsible parent.   This time was also a time with me experiencing success and trials and tribulations in relationships.   All of it, through these years, was positive overall.  I was continuing to learn about myself and my past through a lot of counseling.  My involvement in AA had become a once in awhile thing, maybe a few times a year I had also, to this point, come to a point of being willing to address the sexual abuse I experienced as a boy.  This was not easy, but, for the most part I was trying to address the abuse.  

The years from 01-05 were a time of significant change in my life.   Mostly, due to a significant move.  In March of 2001 I moved over the mountains to Ellensburg.  This move was to allow me to be closer to my son.  In 2000 he had moved to Yakima due to his mother gaining employment in the area.  Being highly involved in my sons life was very important to me and this was the opportunity to have that again.    Having lived a city boy my entire life, this move to a small town, was a huge change for me.  It was during this time that I changed my level of involvement in AA.  I went from just going to a meeting here and there, to going several times a week.  I became active in the service work part of the program.   AA is ran completely by its own members.   It was here, for the first while, that I became very positive about the AA program as a whole.  The community in the area was very tight knit.   Being a small community, all members knew all other members.    It was much like a community of it's own.    It's own language, it's own tight knit group of people.   

I was in a long term relationship that had it's own set of successes and setbacks.   Both of us had significant issues in regard to our pasts and we were both doing our best to work on those issues while in our relationship.  The relationship, that was then a marriage, was not something that was able to endure the test of time.   The trials and tribulations became to much for both of us.  Also, during this time my son was becoming a teenager and experiencing his own set of issues that involved his environment with school and his home life.   During this time I had ventured away from a steady job/paycheck into being an entrepreneur.    The experiences with twelve step groups had went from positive to negative.  The AA community had a lot of gossip, infighting, and lack of consistent leadership for it's members.  Being a self run program AA lacks in the area of consistent and strong leadership.   All of these experiences; the relationship, issues with my sons life, the financial strains of being a small business owner, and then, to top it off, my dog had to be put down.  

I decided during this time of significant stress, the fall of 2006, that I would try drinking and smoking pot again.   I related them to a period of time in my life where I would use them as a positive coping mechanism to life stressors.   What I learned, is this was not a good choice.  Having had experienced doing this same behavior in the past, and it leading to heavier drug use, came back to haunt me again. All the stress that was going at the time, was only temporarily eased with the return to use.  I remember during the return to use feeling a great relief of life stress.   I also remember that the use of heavy drugs came quickly.   I was on a fast track to complete life destruction.  

A close friend and I made the decision in the early months of 2007 to stop using and return to being people in recovery, rather than people who were likely going to die or end up in a lot of trouble.  

I remember distinctly knowing what I needed to do.  The same methods I had been successful with in the past, treatment, AA, and counseling all came back full force.  I reengaged with professional counseling.   I returned to AA meetings.   I found a sponsor in AA to help guide me back to sobriety.   I also started doing some things I had never tried before.   I started doing weekly hikes up the Manastash Ridge.  Doing this was very helpful for me as a stress reliever.   It was also during this time that I started looking at the "higher power" part of the twelve step program with a new set of eyes.   

I had always been raised as mostly Christian in my childhood.  Into my adulthood I continued this path when I was in search of comfort and stress relief.   I had never, before this period of reflection, really asked myself the question "Is this what I believe for myself, or, is it something I believe simply because it is what I was told to believe?".   The latter part of that question became the reality.   I started to create my own belief system during this time.  I moved away from the christian belief system and started learning about other religions and belief systems.   

Due to this time of self reflection and examining belief systems I started seeing how AA was modeled after the Christian religion.  The early days of AA were formed straight from christianity.   Certainly the founders wanted to to make it open and digestible for all, regardless of religion, yet it was still a program that required the reading and practicing of christian practices.  Prayers at every meeting, the use of word "God" in all the literature, and messages that were simply disguised christian tentacles.  This started to really effect my involvement.  I was no longer following any religion at this point and could see what AA was clearly encouraging people to do.   The program "suggests" through repeated phrases, the AA text, the literature, the meeting topics, all of it, that one believe in a "higher power"  I didn't agree with what was taking place.  I started to transition away from AA as a whole.   

I was learning, through education and research, that there were many paths to a person being in recovery.  I was learning that I could choose any path I saw fit.   If it worked in me having a great life and being in recovery, that was just fine.  Utilizing a strong support system of friends and family, exercise, nutrition, and education is what continues to work well for me to this day.

To this day, from about 2009-10, I have found a way that works well for me.  The more I learn and network, I am finding this is true for many others.  The path to recovery, and, the path to remain in recovery is wide and varied.    I am an advocate for people in recovery and I truly believe that there are multiple paths to recovery.  There is no one way that works for everyone.  

I am very encouraged to see our society starting to recognize that recovery is a health issue, not a criminal issue.  I am encouraged to see those in powerful positions to effect change in the field, are people in recovery.   I am encouraged to see people from all walks of life speaking loudly about their personal walk in recovery.  It is all good and needed.

On this day of my 9th anniversary I thank you.   All of you.  Without all of the pieces in my life to this day I would not be able to sit here and write this.    I hope for anyone who needs treatment, that they get it.  I hope for anyone who finds a path to recovery, that they are able get it.  

Life is good my friends, life is good

David A Douglas

Person in Recovery est 2007

:)